You heard correctly! A novel
written by me, Grunion Guy!, just for you! No Apologies! Press has
offered me, Grunion Guy!, this chance to have his stories published
(even if each novel has a print run of one copy)!
I'm a master of multiplicit
genres (Check out all of my works HERE!). My writing talents rival all of history's greatest. Compare the
'As ignorant as dirt! Thou
hast done a deed--Help! Help!, ho, help! The Moor hath killed my
mistress! Murder, murder!"
'Next on the list
was Dr. Squidlo Samson, the old professor of science at the university.
This guy was white, so he could be the murderer.'
"Sam Samson, Detective"
As eloquentiary as
the master and more politically correct to boot, I outshine those authors
who came before. I reveal the weaknesses of weaker writers and stand above
them, standing, and pissing on their poor performances.
'Either get busy
living, or get busy dying.'
"Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption"
'I will draw,
Jackal, since I am evil and would shoot you in the back if I had come
the other way, Jackal.'
"Shoot Out in the Old West"
Boy, if you ask
me, there is no comparison there! Just look how many more words I use!
What a loser! "King!" More like "NOT a king!" Heh.
For just five
dollars, you'll get a novel written by me, Grunion Guy, with pictures and
everything! And it'll be personalized to your own personal
preferencialities! Can you beieve that? Just five dollars for a book!
Wooboy! You can't even get deals like that in Canada! Here's more of my
masterful work to make you want to send me cash:
'There were two
groups of people on board. There were the poor people whom we weren't
supposed to like but really did and the rich people whom we were
supposed to like and really did too because they were rich.'
"The Romantic Voyage at Sea"
There is not a
writer in the world that can turn a phrase upside down like I can! And I'd
compare that fantastic piece of writing to another loser author who
publishers kiss the butt of except that I don't know any more. But how can
anything compare to that! It is the most beautiful thing ever! EVER!
So, now that you
just can't live without a novel by Grunion Guy, send an e-mail to the
Send the address
where you'd like to receive my novel for you and any personal stuff you'd
like your friends to see in a book by ME!
You'll get more
information when you send an e-mail, like how to give me five dollars for
my novel! Or you could buy a short story from me for only three dollars!
That would rule too! Less work for me, ha!