You heard correctly! A novel written by me, Grunion Guy!, just for you! No Apologies! Press has offered me, Grunion Guy!, this chance to have his stories published (even if each novel has a print run of one copy)!

I'm a master of multiplicit genres (Check out all of my works HERE!). My writing talents rival all of history's greatest. Compare the following

'As ignorant as dirt! Thou hast done a deed--Help! Help!, ho, help! The Moor hath killed my mistress! Murder, murder!"

Shakespeare, "Othello"

to

'Next on the list was Dr. Squidlo Samson, the old professor of science at the university. This guy was white, so he could be the murderer.'

Grunion Guy, "Sam Samson, Detective"

As eloquentiary as the master and more politically correct to boot, I outshine those authors who came before. I reveal the weaknesses of weaker writers and stand above them, standing, and pissing on their poor performances.

'Either get busy living, or get busy dying.'

Stephen King, "Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption"

'I will draw, Jackal, since I am evil and would shoot you in the back if I had come the other way, Jackal.'

Grunion Guy, "Shoot Out in the Old West"

Boy, if you ask me, there is no comparison there! Just look how many more words I use! What a loser! "King!" More like "NOT a king!" Heh.

For just five dollars, you'll get a novel written by me, Grunion Guy, with pictures and everything! And it'll be personalized to your own personal preferencialities! Can you beieve that? Just five dollars for a book! Wooboy! You can't even get deals like that in Canada! Here's more of my masterful work to make you want to send me cash:

'There were two groups of people on board. There were the poor people whom we weren't supposed to like but really did and the rich people whom we were supposed to like and really did too because they were rich.'

Grunion Guy, "The Romantic Voyage at Sea"

There is not a writer in the world that can turn a phrase upside down like I can! And I'd compare that fantastic piece of writing to another loser author who publishers kiss the butt of except that I don't know any more. But how can anything compare to that! It is the most beautiful thing ever! EVER!

So, now that you just can't live without a novel by Grunion Guy, send an e-mail to the following address:

jeffity@noapologiespress.com

Send the address where you'd like to receive my novel for you and any personal stuff you'd like your friends to see in a book by ME!

You'll get more information when you send an e-mail, like how to give me five dollars for my novel! Or you could buy a short story from me for only three dollars! That would rule too! Less work for me, ha!