HARD
ON THE EYES:
Conservative Chicks
The
Problem
Why
are female conservatives, in general, not hot?
In other words -- as Microsoft Word would have it -- unattractive,
disgusting, hideous, unsightly, revolting, repulsive, horrible,
dreadful, horrid, nasty, "unpleasant," distasteful,
repellant, and/or "uninviting."
To
which I add sickening, gut wrenching, vomitous, cringe inducing,
calamitous, nauseating, vile, repugnant, loathsome and/or foul.
Ugly,
that is
This
question has haunted me for many a year. The reason? I went out
for a few months with a chick who developed into a full-on Libertarian
with some scary ideas. She's still hot.
And, you know, there's that
chick Rachel
from "The Real World: San Francisco." Total Republican
psycho, and kinda sorta hot (well, before she got married, anyway).
So
sure, there's an exception or two to the rule. But the rule remains
in force: Conservative women tend to be ugly women.
Over
the years, time after time, I've connected the dots: Ugly women,
conservative chicks, one and the same. It's come to a point that
I can tell a chick's political ideology with but a glance. You
think I'm crazy, but think about it:
Does the hot chick you stare at with lustful eyes every day
get off on a government that's against gun control, developing a missile defense against carry-on nukes,
backing out of a treaty banning germ warfare, and providing a
tax cut that returns billions to a small percentage of bastards
who make money when the government loosens gun controls, creates
a missile defense against truck bombs, and backs out of treaties
that could help deter anthrax being deployed as a weapon against
her?
Probably not. Leave it to the ugly women of the nation to develop
an intense hate for the society that scorns their ugly mugs,
and to run counter to the commonsense ideas that could preserve
our lives.
Then
again, some hot girls are nuts, sometimes insane. Rachel hooked
up with Puck. That hot Libertarian whom I dated still complains
that the government pays for the federal parks where she climbs
rocks every weekend at a small cost to herself.
Maybe I'm in a bad position to judge, since I reside in California,
home to a higher percentage of hot chicks than any other state
in the Union. Home, also, to more Democrats than Republicans.
(Obviously,
"bad" is a relative term, since I'm surrounded by hot
babes who generally believe in such things as, oh, making decisions
for themselves regarding their bodies. Yeah, things could be
worse.)
So
perhaps I am not qualified to comment on the state of ugly "fems"
in the GOP. That's why I conceived and executed a non-biased
study to examine the phenomenon of non-attractive women affiliated
with reactionary right-wing political groups.
The
Study
I
conducted a "serious" scientific study, polling 81,309
men on their reactions to pictures of Republican women. I worked
on the study for 10 years, showing hundreds of photos of the
women in question to all races, creeds, political affiliations,
sexual preferences, class, all that shit.
Please
note that I, in my quest for truth, did not reveal the women's
love of President Ray-Gun, nor did I say anything to bias the
study, such as:
"Check out this horse-faced bitch! Man alive, is she
a man or what?!"
No, indeed.
The
Results
Without
further ado, the results of my painstaking endeavor to find out
whether Republican women really are horse-faced bitches, or if
it's just me, a man who can appreciate a fine-lookin' woman!
Ugly Republican Meter
- "hot"
- "not hot"
- "handsome"*
* When it appeared
to the interviewee that a particular female conservative looked
like a man, the term "handsome" was employed to fill
a void, since most of those polled were not experts of the homosexualist,
closet homosexualist, crossdressing or transgender lifestyles.
|
The
number of available photographs being too numerous to post in
one article, let us examine the phenomenon of one particular
group: Female
Conservative Columnists.
Next
page:
A
Thousand Words
Copyright ©
No
Apologies! Press,
2002
