Conservative Chicks

The Problem
Why are female conservatives, in general, not hot?

In other words -- as Microsoft Word would have it -- unattractive, disgusting, hideous, unsightly, revolting, repulsive, horrible, dreadful, horrid, nasty, "unpleasant," distasteful, repellant, and/or "uninviting."  

To which I add sickening, gut wrenching, vomitous, cringe inducing, calamitous, nauseating, vile, repugnant, loathsome and/or foul.

Ugly, that is

This question has haunted me for many a year. The reason? I went out for a few months with a chick who developed into a full-on Libertarian with some scary ideas. She's still hot.

And, you know, there's
that chick Rachel from "The Real World: San Francisco." Total Republican psycho, and kinda sorta hot (well, before she got married, anyway). 

So sure, there's an exception or two to the rule. But the rule remains in force: Conservative women tend to be ugly women.

Over the years, time after time, I've connected the dots: Ugly women, conservative chicks, one and the same. It's come to a point that I can tell a chick's political ideology with but a glance. You think I'm crazy, but think about it:

Does the hot chick you stare at with lustful eyes every day get off on a government that's
against gun control, developing a missile defense against carry-on nukes, backing out of a treaty banning germ warfare, and providing a tax cut that returns billions to a small percentage of bastards who make money when the government loosens gun controls, creates a missile defense against truck bombs, and backs out of treaties that could help deter anthrax being deployed as a weapon against her?

Probably not. Leave it to the ugly women of the nation to develop an intense hate for the society that scorns their ugly mugs, and to run counter to the commonsense ideas that could preserve our lives.

Then again, some hot girls are nuts, sometimes insane. Rachel hooked up with Puck. That hot Libertarian whom I dated still complains that the government pays for the federal parks where she climbs rocks every weekend at a small cost to herself.

Maybe I'm in a bad position to judge, since I reside in California, home to a higher percentage of hot chicks than any other state in the Union. Home, also, to more Democrats than Republicans.

(Obviously, "bad" is a relative term, since I'm surrounded by hot babes who generally believe in such things as, oh, making decisions for themselves regarding their bodies. Yeah, things could be worse.)

So perhaps I am not qualified to comment on the state of ugly "fems" in the GOP. That's why I conceived and executed a non-biased study to examine the phenomenon of non-attractive women affiliated with reactionary right-wing political groups.

The Study
I conducted a "serious" scientific study, polling 81,309 men on their reactions to pictures of Republican women. I worked on the study for 10 years, showing hundreds of photos of the women in question to all races, creeds, political affiliations, sexual preferences, class, all that shit.

Please note that I, in my quest for truth, did not reveal the women's love of President Ray-Gun, nor did I say anything to bias the study, such as:

"Check out this horse-faced bitch! Man alive, is she a man or what?!"

No, indeed.

The Results
Without further ado, the results of my painstaking endeavor to find out whether Republican women really are horse-faced bitches, or if it's just me, a man who can appreciate a fine-lookin' woman!

Ugly Republican Meter

  • "hot"
  • "not hot"
  • "handsome"*

* When it appeared to the interviewee that a particular female conservative looked like a man, the term "handsome" was employed to fill a void, since most of those polled were not experts of the homosexualist, closet homosexualist, crossdressing or transgender lifestyles.

The number of available photographs being too numerous to post in one article, let us examine the phenomenon of one particular group: Female Conservative Columnists.

Next page:
A Thousand Words

Copyright © No Apologies! Press, 2002