HARD
ON THE EYES:
Conservative Chicks
(previous page)
Female
Conservative Columnists are the latest fetish among
those old, fat, racist, white-collared, upper-middle-class-or-higher
bastards who argue against socialized medicine by day and beat
their tiny pee-pees to the tune of power fantasies involving
the following photos (accompanied by some of the words that turn
these pervs on) late into the night:
Linda Bowles
Adjudged
"Handsome"
"I
would not be at all surprised to see John Walker Lindh appear
on stage as the keynote speaker at the next Democrat National
Convention."
-- Johnny Taliban, 2/5/02
"We
don't need uninformed, petty sideline sniping by the liberal
media." --
A Leader Emerges, 9/18/01
"You
must change your name. You are now Abdullah Babu Cleanton, candidate
from Harlem to become president of the United States." --
An Open Letter to Bill Clinton,
8/21/01
Mona Charen
Adjudged
"Handsome"
"Mom,
when you were a little girl, people didn't think women could
be firefighters, did they?"
I
knew immediately that his teacher, a lovely lady of decidedly
liberal outlook, was instructing her charges on the wonderful
progress of civilization.
"Well,"
I said, "I'm still not sure I think women firefighters are
a good idea." -- Hooray for Men, 12/13/01
Ann Coulter
Adjudged
"Very Handsome"
(proving
that pancake make-up does hide beards)
"National
Transportation Safety Board and Federal Aviation Administration
officials investigating the crash of American Airlines Flight
587 are now ruling out slavery or Indian dispossession as the
cause."
-- The Mind of a Liberal, 11/15/01
"Women
-- and I don't mean to limit that to the biological sense --
always become hysterical at the first sign of trouble. They have
no capacity to solve problems, so instead they fret. But despite
the fearful fifth columnists whiling away the war naysaying America's
response, we will win this war. You just stay warm, girls …
the men are fixing the car." -- The Eunuchs Are Whining, 11/1/01
Suzanne Fields
Adjudged
"Handsome"
"Barbie's
mommy is dead. Long live Barbie." -- Toying With Barbie for All Seasons,
5/6/02
"Chomsky
interprets American history as one long continuum of American
terrorism. He mixes lies with anti-American rhetoric, equating
terrorism against the United States with American military action
against communists in Central America and terrorists in the Middle
East. Anyone who has a minimum of knowledge and understanding
of what's really going on in the world could easily refute his
rant, but who knows history?*" -- The 'Achilles Heel' of History Education,
5/20/02 (*Hint: She doesn't.)
Michelle Malkin
Adjudged
"Hot"
(relative
to the rest of the she-males, that is.)
"The
People's Republic of Berkeley, Calif., wasted no time in returning
to its business as usual: stifling political dissent under the
guise of "tolerance," stamping out every last ember
of patriotism for the cause of "peace," and hating
America while greedily feasting off the fruits of freedom so
lovingly tended by their fellow countrymen....
"Only
in Berkeley can the treacherous be treated as American heroes
as their leftist ideology fails around the world." --
Berkeley vs. America, 9/21/01
Oliver
North
Adjudged
"Handsome"
"Just
as Bill Clinton never missed an opportunity to apologize for
America while in a foreign land, Carter used the unique occasion
of a televised speech to the Cuban people to attack America,
saying the United States "is hardly perfect in human rights"
and denounced the "very large number of our citizens"
in prisons." -- Carpe Diem, 5/17/02
Kathleen
Parker
Adjudged
"Handsome"
"Did
I make up this story? Of course not. Why would I? ... I was told
the story, as I explained in the original column, by one of Eileen's
family members. Another family member repeated the story again.
I believed them....
"...
In journalism, the rule is this: 'If your mother says she loves
you, check it out.' I didn't check it out enough."
-- I've Been Stung by a Wasp -- and I Owe an Apology,
1/3/02
Debra
Saunders
Adjudged
"Handsome"
"'You're
ugly,' some nasty liberals have written to me. OK, so that's
the best argument their feeble minds could construct -- but they're
only saying what others think, but know better than to say." --
The Big L: Looks, 2/18/02
"So,
I've decided to let the tenor of the campaigns determine how
I'll vote on the [Racial Privacy Initiative]. I don't like what
RPI would do, but I dislike even more how nasty the opposition
is likely to get." -- Colorblind Bind, 5/3/0
Debbie
Schlussel
Adjudged
"Very Handsome"
(can
you say "elective surgery"?)
"NAAFA
hails fat celebrities, like actress Camryn Manheim, author of
New York Times best-seller "Wake Up, I'm Fat." Wake
up, you're disgusting." -- Fat Chicks, Lighten Up, 11/12/01
"To
add insult to injury, viewers of Lee’s movies are consistently
forced to endure his visage. Unlike real movie directors -- satisfied
to direct their masterpieces behind the camera -- the vain, shameless
self-promoter Lee insists on being an actor in most of his movies.
Talk about craving attention." -- Racist Spike Lee: Kmart's Bankrupt Messenger,
3/7/02
As this conclusive
study shows, most conservative womens are actually schlong-dangling
dudes with "issues" (especially Debbie Schlussel
and Anne Coulter -- PEEEE-YOOK). Whether
it's because they're among that subset of men-turned-women who
changed genders because they hate themselves (which explains
their abnormal conservative attitudes in a world in which only
the liberal element would embrace them), or just a freak accident
of history, genetics and upbringing, we may never know.
But this much
we do know: I have the good sense to tell a fine-lookin' woman
from a horse-faced bitch, as 81,309 men have confirmed.
Thank you. Good
night.
-- Brent
Johnson,
May 24, 2002
Copyright ©
No
Apologies! Press,
2002
