Daring Escapades

by Upright & Doom Bunny

 

 

Dirk Daring turned to face the Dark Avenger. "You'll not get past me, Dark Avenger!" cried Dirk Daring.

"Oh, yeah?" yelled the Dark Avenger.

"Yeah," screamed Dirk Daring, knowing his above average fighting skills were no match for the Dark Avenger's meta human strength.

"Well then, I'll just have to use my Intergalactic-Super- Hypno-Ring. Then you'll be real sorry," countered the Dark Avenger.

Aha, thought Dirk. Here's my chance! He's forgotten he has super strength! "Oh, sure! Use your Cracker Jack's prize ring then! See all the good it'll do ya!"

So the Dark Avenger twisted his ring in that special way that makes it work. Massive spirals of glowing energy emerged from the ring and charged toward our hero.



Dirk Daring did a back flip, narrowly avoiding the deadly beams and landing inches away from the Dark Avenger.
"Aha!"

The Dark Avenger was not amused. "So, you think that little acrobatic stunt is going to save you from my powers? If you do... well, then you're dumb."


But Dirk Daring knew something that no one else in the universe knew, save for the person who had told him, who had learned it from a friend of a friend...

"Oh yeah," screamed Dirk, "I know your secret weakness!"

The Dark Avenger gave Dirk a long, cold look. His eyes narrowed so that they became only tiny black slits. He looked menacing and deeply evil. He raised one dark hand and pointed a finger at Dirk. Then a puzzled look came across his face.

"Damn. I forgot what I was gonna say."

"Yes, you have temporary bouts of amnesia! You will lose this fight, Dark Avenger, because you will forget that you are trying to avenge the death of your favorite cat Poofy! Oops!"

"Who? Oh yeah, Poofy. That's right, you killed her, didn't you you bastard cat murderer you. Now feel my wrath."

With that, the Dark Avenger seized Dirk Daring by the neck and began to squeeze. Hard. Real Hard. You might even say he squeezed in a life threatening manner.

"Gack! Ark! Murk! Blaaaaahhhh!" Dirk tried to explain, but words didn't seem to be enough. Blindly, fitfully, much like those times between consciousness and sleep when your leg kicks out and wakes you up, Dirk's arm flailed and knocked off the Dark Avenger's mask.



"Gasp!" gasped the Dark Avenger. Quickly he let go of Dirk to cover his face. Then he began to snivel and whimper like a child.

"Y- you didn't s- see my face did you? Please s- say that you didn't."

But Dirk Daring had, and the horror of it all was coming to him as quickly as oxygen to his brain. "Beatrice?" he said hoarsely, on his knees and feeling kinda woozy. "My ex-girlfriend? But why, Beatrice? Why?"

"Because... because you left me and I never knew why. I was lonely and despondent. I had nothing better to do so I became the Dark Avenger. It gave some meaning to my life. And, you killed Poofy-Kitty and I had to go after you. I just had to." She paused and looked down at her hands. "Damn, I think I broke a nail when I tried to choke you."

But Dirk Daring, who had been thinking what it would be like to press his hot, firm, full body against her luscious knockers, wasn't paying attention to her nails. Then, it hit him. He had to warn Captain Dick, Greased Lightning and all the other members of the Galactic Hero Corps. He knew the identity of the Dark Avenger!

Dirk turned on his jet pack and rose into the air.

"Wait! Dirk! Where are you going now? Don't leave me again, Dirk!" wailed Beatrice.

"I'm sorry, Bea, but a hero's gotta do what to do. Uh, whatever."
Dirk flew beyond the clouds.

"DIRK! I'LL KILL YOU DIRK, YOU JUST WAIT. I'LL KILL YOU! YOU'LL BE SORRY!"

Yeah, she thought. In the name of Poofy I will kill you. Wait, who's Poofy?
 

Copyright © 1994 No Apologies! Press

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