Evil Encounters

by Doom Bunny

It oozed out of the ground after having slept for over five years. It was mad, it was hungry, and it wanted revenge. It had rested dormant in the ground for too long; now it needed sustenance.

First, it surveyed its surroundings. It had gone into hibernation in a grassy field just outside the city. The field had become a neighborhood. It decided that it must have emerged in someone's backyard.

It slithered and dribbled over to a tall oak tree and began to climb its way up. After resting for so long it was only about three cubic feet in size. It was jet black, and seemed to be half liquid, half solid. It crept to a low branch on the tree and waited for a meal to come by. It did not have to wait long.

A kitten -- cute and furry and probably belonging to some adorable little kid -- became its first victim. With little resistance from the innocent kitty, it enveloped the cat and digested it. In a little over a minute, the ooze was just a tiny bit bigger.

Like most black oozes, it was polymorphic and quickly turned into something fitting of its size -- a dog. A black dog, of course. It silently metamorphosized into a small Labrador and went off to seek revenge. But first, it needed to increase to maximum size.

It rapidly accomplished this by befriending a family of four with its recently acquired doggy charm and then slurped them up, one by one. With this done, it was large enough to now polymorph into a man and seek out the Galactic Hero Corps. Thirty Minute Man would pay for what he had done, and he would pay dearly, for it had returned.

It was black, it was evil, and it was mad as hell. It was. . . The Black Stuff!!!

The Galactic Hero Corps' Headquarters was fairly deserted on the day The Black Stuff emerged from its sleep, unbeknownst to the defenders of the galaxy (or the Galactic Hero Corps, either).

Bill sat on the couch, watching television with Teleman, as usual. Buck the Ogre tried working out the bugs in his Chicken a la King recipe. The only other members present -- Captain Dick, who was working in his office, Insectorama, who was reading a Spider- Man comic, and Ranger Ruben, who was out back, planting a tree.

The other heroes were all out on important and imperative assignments throughout the galaxy:

Dirk Daring and Super Mummy, along with Carlotta Everyday acting as transportation, were orbiting Jupiter, trying to put down an alien uprising occurring on Io.

Nice Alice was giving an inspirational speech at the University of Arizona Psychology Convention entitled "The Value of Positive Affirmation: What It Means To Be Nice To People."

Grunion Guy and Snailman were fixing the sewage treatment plant in Cleveland. Again.

And Greased Lightning, Mr. Mystic, and Bright Boy were out making public appearances, trying to improve their images. Incidentally, every one of the busy heroes were succeeding at their tasks -- except Greased Lightning, who always had a way of putting his foot in his mouth and couldn't improve his public image if he tried. Which he did.

It had been a relatively peaceful day on Earth, except the sewage-plant problem.

From within the quiet corridors of GHC Headquarters, a telephone rang, and soon, Captain Dick emerged from his office.

"Where is that pathetic Teleman?" Dick demanded, looking around. "Oh, there you are, watching TV as always. You know, you really are pathetic."

Teleman looked hurt. He didn't like or respect Captain Dick any more than anybody else did, but after a while his derogatory comments could really eat away at a person's self esteem.

"Sorry, Cap. It's just, well, I only wanted to. . . yeah, I'm stupid. What can I do for you?"

Dick smiled. This man respects me, he thought. Soon they all will.

"Just don't do it again, you fuck. Now, it seems that there is a fire at the antique telegraph office in New Jersey. And since that's in your field of interest and ability, I want you to help put the fire out and see that the station gets back on line. You got that?"

"Yeah. Oh man, I hope the poles weren't damaged. Say, how do I get there?"

"Uh, I think we have one of the old hovercycles in the garage. Take it."

"But Captain, New Jersey is a thousand miles away. It will take hours to get there. The whole station could be up in flames by then."

The Captain shrugged. "You'll just have more work to do when you get there. Now get going, you pathetic fuck!"

Teleman walked out into the garage, muttering obscenities the entire way under his breath.

"And don't think I don't hear you, you fuck!" Dick yelled after him. "What a pathetic fuck," he said to Bill. He then realized that Bill was still sitting on the couch watching Three's Company. "And you! I don't suppose you'd like to get off your pathetic ass and go with him?"

Bill turned around to face Dick.

"No."

Then he turned around just in time to see Jack get hit with the front door by Chrissy. He loved it when that happened. It was so funny. Bill giggled like a little girl.

"Another pathetic fuck," Captain Dick muttered. He stormed into his office and slammed the door.

The Black Stuff, highly intelligent and very calculating, began to do research on the present Galactic Hero Corps. For five long years it had sat and healed the wounds Thirty Minute Man had inflicted upon it. For five years it had plotted that man's death. Whatever it decided to do to Thirty Minute Man, it would be too good for him. That man was an enemy to be tortured a lifetime. It couldn't wait to see him suffer. There were others in the Corps who would suffer also: Duck Wonder, Ranger Ruben, The Orphan, Pual the Infamous Albino, and of course, the hated Smite Dude. They would all pay for the injuries it had sustained in their last great battle.

It looked through newspapers in the library. The Black Stuff didn't stand out at all in the library in its guise as a well-dressed black man.

The Black Stuff, to its dismay, soon found out that Thirty Minute Man, and many of the rest, had been killed in the Great Gobi Campaign.

Oh well, getting even with the present Corps members would be fun nonetheless.

The vast intergalactic telecommunications system of the Galactic Hero Corps crashed. Later, the GHC would find that the warranty on the equipment had simply expired. At the time, however, the Corps members present had no knowledge that they'd been completely cut off from the rest of their group, and from the world.

Such was the luck.

The doorbell rang.

Insectorama, in his metallic green not-so-tight tights, loped over to the door and answered it. A tall, rather muscular black man stood on the porch. Through his black and green domino mask, Insectorama could see that the man was wearing faded Levi's, a cheap tee-shirt and no shoes. He had a stupid grin on his face, wore a multi-colored beanie, and dreadlocks fell to the middle of his back.

"Yes?" Insectorama asked.

"I is be wantin to join yo group, mon." The black man smiled and bobbed his head up and down.

With his quick-thinking insect brain fired up, Insectorama made some observations.

Obviously, this man is black. Thus his parents are also black. Which means that his grandparents... hmm... what were they? he wondered

The stranger talked with a strange accent, but with his super insect brain, Insectorama quickly deduced the origin of the accent.

Obviously, he comes from Buffalo.

Insectorama was very proud of himself, having deduced the man's cultural and ethnic background, and he invited him inside.

"Thank yo, mon. I is be de super hero, yo be seein'."

Yes, he's obviously from Buffalo.

"Well," Insectorama asked. "What can you do?"

The man smiled. "I is be de super hero, yo be seein'."

Insectorama understood completely. "Wait here while I get the captain." Insectorama began to walk down the hall.

"Thank yo, mon."

It had gotten inside Corps headquarters easily. That fool hadn't even recognized him. It scanned and took in its surroundings, looking for signs of a security force which had to be there, somewhere. A commotion could be heard down the hall.

"What the fuck do you mean he wants to join the Corps? You fuck! Oh well, let me see him." Captain Dick came strutting down the hall.

When he saw the man, his demeanor changed.

"Welcome sir, welcome. Its always good to see a fine citizen from the public who wants to get involved. How can I help you, sir?" The Captain always seemed to act different when there were other people around.

"I is be Kyle Marley, 'n I is be wantin to be de super hero wit yo!"

Captain Dick smiled. "Sir, as happy as I am to see people interested in serving the cause of justice, I'm afraid the requirements for the Corps are pretty strict. What exactly can you offer us, other than your cultural diversity and charm, of course? Heh heh..."

The man smiled again. "I is be de great super hero of Jamaica. I can do de many tings fo yo mon."

Jamaica? wondered Insectorama. Must be a suburb of Buffalo.

"Sir," Captain Dick continued. "I understand, but what are the specifics of your abilities?"

Kyle laid out Insectorama with one punch.

"Wow," Captain Dick exclaimed. "That's pretty impressive."

But The Black Stuff didn't hear the captain, for it had already sprung into action. It thought that it had surely been recognized now, the captain was acting too strangely. And it couldn't battle them here, not on their home turf, outnumbered and outpowered. So, it leapt onto the couch and grabbed Bill, pausing to think.

"Okay, wow!" Captain Dick continued. "I'm sold! You're in!"

But The Black Stuff knew this was only a diversionary tactic. It tucked its victim under its arm and fled form Corps Headquarters.

"Oh my God!" yelled the Captain. "That was remarkable, simply remarkable! Did you see that, Bug?"

"Urmpph?" replied Insectorama.

"That man was so fast and so strong. He'd be a great addition to our team. He even looks stronger than Super Mummy. Wow."

After a while, Insectorama was able to sit up on his own. Captain Dick just stood staring out the front door.

"I wonder where he went? He must know Bill from somewhere cause they sure took off fast together. Oh well, we'll sign him up when he comes back with Bill. Man, I wish all you fucks were as talented as that."

Insectorama's super insect brain began to calculate things once again, as he returned to full consciousness.

Man, they sure raise them tough in Buffalo.

After three hours of waiting for Bill and the man they'd dubbed "The Jamaican Ultimate" to return, Captain Dick decided that something was wrong. Not only had those two guys vanished, but none of the rest of his squad had checked in.

Captain Dick decided to do some investigating. He went over to the galactic communication array and tried to make contact with Dirk Daring. All he got was silence. No hum, no buzz, no click, no nothing. Captain Dick began to analyze the situation in his head.

"Obviously," he said to himself, and to anyone else who was listening. "Something is not right here. First, communication between us and the rest of the team is impossible. And, the only other means of communication we know is through Teleman, who's in fucking New Jersey. Second, Bill and The Jamaican Ultimate have seemingly been kidnapped. That is, unless our friend The Jamaican Ultimate is not what he seems. Yes, that must be it."

Captain Dick sighed. He'd have to resort to someone he had hoped never had to resort to before.

"Insectorama!"

"Yes sir?" a voice said from beside the Captain. "I'm right here next to you. No need to shout."

The Captain would deal with that man's stupidity later. Now he had some planning to do. "Round up everybody here at headquarters. Hey, is Ranger Ruben still around?"

"No," replied Insectorama. "He felt an adventure coming on, and he left before the feeling to get involved overcame him. He's just not ready yet, sir." With that, Insectorama was off to gather up heroes. He returned shortly thereafter with Buck The Ogre.

"That's it?" Captain Dick yelled. "He's all we have left in the building? Oh man, are we really screwed. Wait here, underlings. I must go plan."

The Black Stuff sat quietly in it's new lair. It's hostage sat before it in an old wooden chair. That rhymes, he thought.

Surprisingly, Bill didn't look scared or even concerned in the least. For three days, he had sat absolutely still, never moving, never talking. It was really starting to irritate The Black Stuff.

"Look," it ordered its victim. "I want you to tell me everything you know about the Galactic Hero Corps."

Bill didn't seem interested. "Do you have any Cheez Dootles™? I'm really hungry."

This went over the head of The Black Stuff. Cheez Dootles™? "How dare you defy my order. Now, tell me all you know or I'll kill you."

"Do you have a TV? I like TV..."

"Look you miserable little human, I could torture you like you couldn't imagine. I could slowly digest certain parts of your body at random. Now, will you tell me what I want to know?"

Bill looked like he was thinking things over. "What?"

The Black Stuff was confused, and angry. "I'll gnaw off your hand!" it yelled.

"Do you like Three's Company?" Bill asked.

"I'll disfigure your entire body!" he threatened.

"Jack Tripper's my favorite, then Mr. Roper."

It was outraged now. It didn't understand this guy at all. "Don't you care what happens to you? Don't you care about great amounts of pain and suffering?"

"Jack trips a lot. I feel his pain."

"Ahhhhhh, " it screamed in frustration and bolted from the room.

Bill turned around. "Say, what about those Cheez Dootles™?"

Back at Galactic Hero Corps Headquarters, things rolled along smoothly. Captain Dick was doing research on all known super beings, trying to figure out who the Jamaican Ultimate was. He'd cross-referenced its apparent abilities with those known by the computer, and he'd narrowed it down to three possibilities: Mashed Potato, Ulmquist The Mean, and Super Mummy. He decided to throw out Super Mummy. Now, he was down to two.

Mashed Potato had been a very cunning, yet overly greedy, criminal. That trait had ultimately led to his defeat at the Second Great Battle of Boise. A quick check at the newspaper files showed that Mashed Potato was still safely locked away at Prison Planet Four. Scratch that one.

Ulmquist The Mean, Nice Alice's arch nemesis, had the exact type of power she did, except his power dealt with hatred and meanness instead of love and niceness. Captain Dick looked at his file and wondered what Ulmquist The Mean could possibly have in common with the Jamaican Ultimate. Scratch that one, too.

Maybe it was Super Mummy...

"Captain," came a deep voice from the hall. "I think I know who it could be."

Buck The Ogre stood in the doorway. His huge frame barely fit through the already oversized doorway. Buck usually didn't say much. But when he did, everybody knew it was important.

"Get out of my office, you fuck," Dick roared. "If you've got something to say, say it from the hall. You're smelling up the whole office."

Buck took a step back. "I remember The Orphan talking about it just before he died. He told me how they'd defeated this thing in a great battle, but could never find any remains. I think this could be that same thing. He called it..." Buck stopped and looked around nervously. "The Black Stuff..."

Captain Dick sighed. The Black Stuff? "Don't you think I've thought about that, you fuck? Of course it's the Black Stuff! Now get the fuck out, I have to think!"

Buck walked away, and Dick scampered back to his computer. What in the hell was The Black Stuff? He looked it up in the computer. Sure enough, the description matched. Nothing I can't figure out, thought Dick, smirking.

Then he frowned. How am I gonna beat The Black Stuff with only Buck, Ruben and Insectorama? he wondered.

"I can't, cause they're all pathetic fucks," Dick muttered.

Without thinking, Captain Dick picked up the emergency red line.

"Get me Duck Wonder. He's coming out of retirement."

Captain Dick hoped that the stories he had heard weren't true. He'd seen Duck Wonder a couple of times when he had been a cadet, but had never worked with the man personally. His bravery and skill at fighting super villains were widely spoken of. Unfortunately, so were the many quirks that the famous hero allegedly had.

For instance, Dick had heard through the grapevine that the famous Duck Wonder often entered battle in a large, very feathery and very purple duck costume, complete with artificial bill and wings.

It was rumored that communication with Duck Wonder was also troublesome. Not that dealing with people who had poor communication skills was new for Dick. After all, he'd been dealing with the likes of Carlotta Everyday and Super Mummy for some time now. But Duck Wonder was supposedly different. Sometimes, all he could say was "Quack". It annoyed everybody to no end. Dick hoped that all the rumors weren't true.

When Captain Dick got to Duck Wonder's house, he found the door open. He could hear some type of commotion going on inside the house, so he walked on in.

He rounded the corner of a hall and saw Duck Wonder sitting in a study. He was wearing a suit and tie, which really relieved Dick. At least the part about the duck suit wasn't true. Duck Wonder was on the phone, listening to somebody on the other end. He saw Dick and motioned for him to take a seat.

"Quack!" Duck Wonder yelled into the phone.

Oh no, thought the Captain. It's true. He felt his stomach lurch.

"Quack!" Duck Wonder yelled again into the phone. "I tell you that the man's a quack! He's selling pills that don't relieve hemorrhoids like he claims. I want you to sue his ass off!" Duck Wonder hung up the phone.

"Sorry you had to witness that," he apologized. "I'm having my lawyer file a malpractice suit against this quack who sold my mom some phony medicine."

Dick was suddenly the most relieved guy in the world. He'd found the hero who was going to save the day. Now, if only he could convince him to come out of retirement. It wasn't going to be easy.

"Fred," Captain Dick used Duck Wonder's civilian name as he extended his hand. "I'm Captain Dick, and I want you to come out of retirement and become Duck Wonder again for a couple of days."

"Okay," Duck replied.

"Fine." Captain Dick turned around and left the room.

I've got him, Dick thought to himself. He couldn't possibly say no to that speech. It's my best one.

Frederick Marmam, better known as Duck Wonder, walked to his closet and opened it. Way in the back, behind the nurse's uniform and the poodle skirt, he found the old costume. Its bright purple feathers glistened in the incandescent light.

Boy, he thought to himself, I can't wait to feel those feathers against my body again.

The next day, Captain Dick before his troops. He paced to his left.

"Okay you pathetic fucks -- not you, Duck Wonder -- its time to kick some ass. We just received an ultimatum from The Black Stuff. We are to meet it at the park around the corner, at 4:00 today, unarmed, or we'll never see Bill alive again. Not that he would be much of a loss, but I'm not about to lose to some slimy shit if I can help it."

Captain Dick paused to pace to the right.

"Now, that shit doesn't know that we have the famous Duck Wonder on our side, so he'll be our secret weapon. I plan for us to meet at the park like it said, only with Duck Wonder in hiding somewhere, ready to spring on the bastard."

The others all nodded their head in understanding, well, everyone except Insectorama, who was busy digging something out of his ear. As he was doing this an idea came to him.

"Say, Captain Dick? Why don't I change into a mosquito and spy on him?"

The Captain glared at Insectorama. "No," he said sternly, pacing left again.

"But why, Captain Dick?"

"What point would it serve?" Captain Dick snapped.

"Well," Insectorama's super insect brain was in high gear. "I could tell you his position."

The Captain thought this over, but not long. "No. Now listen up -- Insectorama and Buck will head for the park. I'll follow closely behind, high in the air, with Duck Wonder coming five minutes later. Insect-head and Buck are the decoys that will lure The Black Stuff in, and Duck Wonder will take it out. Got it?"

Everyone nodded.

At 3:59, the Galactic Hero Corps' finest were still missing, so those that remained on Earth went to the park. Sitting there in the sand, under some black monkey bars, was Bill, tied and gagged. Captain Dick and the others ran and untied him.

"Where's the Black Stuff?" Captain Dick asked Bill.

"Oh," Bill responded nonchalantly. "He's the monkey bars above us."

Even as Bill spoke the monkey bars were quickly changing shape into the black man the heroes had seen before. This time though, it was naked.

"Why didn't you warn us, you fuck?" screamed Dick

Bill looked puzzled. "I didn't know I was supposed to."

"Wow," Insectorama exclaimed. "Look at the size of his cock! I think I'm gonna move to Buffalo."

Everyone ignored him.

The Black Stuff crept over to them. "I've been waiting for this day for five long years. Now, the Galactic Hero Corps will perish." It inched closer.

Captain Dick needed to stall. Duck Wonder was only three minutes away. "Uh, at least let us have some last words, okay?"

The Black Stuff hesitated for a moment. "Very well. You may say your last words, but then I will destroy you all."

Dick thought quickly.

"Uh, Insectorama?" he said, "I want to hear the story about how you had your ingrown toenail removed." Dick swallowed nervously. He hated to put anybody an Insectorama story, but these were desperate times.

"But Captain, you forbid me from even mentioning that story ever again. You said that if I did, you'd tear off my -"

"I know!" Captain Dick interrupted. "But tell it anyway, you fuck!"

"Okay," Insectorama began. "I woke up one morning and my toe hurt. I looked down, but I couldn't see nothing wrong. I mean, I'm not a doctor or nothin'."

He was addressing the Black Stuff now, for it was the only one present who had not heard the story.

"So, I had Dirk drive me to the doctor and the doctor said it was ingrown. The toenail I mean, not the toe. He said it would have to go. The toenail, that is. So, he took out some pliers, planted one of his feet in my crotch for leverage, and began a yankin'. I tell you I never heard so much screamin', and that was just from Dirk. I can't believe the noises he made; kinda like if you were to put your hand in a blender. Yeah, you might make noises like that then. There was blood everywhere and I was cryin and yellin' and all. Oh, and you'll love this, its the best part. The doctor looks at me and says 'Oh, did I forget to give you the anesthesia?' Ha, ha, it was so funny. I swear I laughed and laughed for hours about that. Then they had to give Dirk a sedative or something. I don't know why though, since he'd already fainted after the bloody toenail flew across the room and stuck to his forehead. It was so cool. Then -"

"Enough!" The Black Stuff screamed, covering his ears. "First Bill, now you! All of you will die a horrible death!"

It lunged for Insectorama, who was distracted by a large commotion from behind. "What is going on here?"

Captain Dick was about to answer with some I-don't-give-a- shit-anymore-so-I'm-gonna-make-some-smart-ass-comment-since- I'm-gonna-die-anyway remark when a purple feathery shape ran into the fray.

"Quack!"

The trap had been sprung. Or had it?

Duck Wonder didn't actually run into the fray. He sort of jogged in, surrounded by people, not really paying attention to where he was going. He was busy signing autographs, and trying to get away from a crowd of fans. After all, he had been one of the most popular Corps members before he had retired. He looked up from the mob.

"Oh man," he said. "Am I at the park already? Quack! I guess this blows the surprise. Quack!"

The very anatomically correct Black Stuff stood there with his mouth open wide. "Duck Wonder! I thought you'd been killed! You will perish today."

"Doesn't anybody want to hear the end of my story?" Insectorama asked.

Everyone ignored him again.

The Black Stuff lunged for Duck Wonder's throat. Effortlessly, the hero ducked out of the way. Hence the name: Duck Wonder. (The costume and quacking was actually just a publicity gimmick).

"Quack!" he yelled for the public to hear, and charged the Black Stuff. But instead of hitting The Black Stuff, Duck Wonder found himself enveloped in black goop, and it started to digest the hero.

"Ahhhh!" Duck Wonder screamed. "Get it off me!"

But Captain Dick had immediately given up on Duck Wonder, and Insectorama had started telling his ingrown toenail story to a bystander, who didn't look very interested at all, so he wasn't paying attention. There was only one being who could help.

"Hit him Buck!" Duck Wonder yelled. "You're my only hope."

Buck The Ogre hesitated. He knew that he wasn't ever supposed to hit anything because of his muscle-debilitating syndrome. Yet he had no choice. He reared back his five hundred pound frame, wound up a punch with his one foot diameter fist, and launched it at The Black Stuff.

The sound of snapping muscle could be heard even above the roar of the crowd, as every tendon in Buck's hand and wrist tore itself from the bone.

"Ouchie," he cried, as he fell to his knees, sobbing. "Hand go snap-snap."

Surprisingly, the weak blow had phased The Black Stuff just a little, as it let go of Duck Wonder and stepped back to clear it's head. But, even as it prepared for another attack, it got another surprise. Stuck to its sticky, tar-like body were hundreds of feathers from Duck Wonder's costume. They were all caught up both within and without, halting his mobility and his polymorphic powers. Unknowingly and accidentally, it had been tarred and feathered.

An idea came to Dick's head as he saw this. "Duck," he yelled. "Go tackle him. Wrap your body all over his. Do whatever it takes."

"Quack!" Duck Wonder screamed, as he leaped again at The Black Stuff.

It tried to run, but in its feathery state of being, it was too slow for the adrenalized Duck Wonder. He jumped on it's back and began rolling around on the ground.

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Insectorama. "Are they having sex? Oh my God, they... are... wow..." An idea came to his head. "Hey Buck, you wanna make it a foursome or something?"

But everyone ignored him again.

Meanwhile, The Black Stuff was helpless. The more it resisted, the more feathers dislodged from Duck Wonder's suit and stuck to it. Soon, it was nothing more than a frozen ball of feathers.

Captain Dick made his way through the crowd finally. "Good job Duck Wonder," he announced for the public to hear. "I am so glad that I asked you to come out of retirement and join us. It truly takes a great tactician to pull something like this off, and I'm glad I made the right decisions."

"Quack." Duck replied, his beautiful purple costume now only a bald, white jumpsuit.

"Hooray for Duck Wonder!" screamed the crowd. "Hooray for Captain Dick!"

Dick gathered his troops together and prepared to leave. "Thank you, kind public, for your wonderful support. Until you need us again..." he said dramatically, as he and the team strode off.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Dick shrieked at the rest of squad when they finally showed up. "We've been busting our ass out there, narrowly avoiding getting killed, and you're here watching TV."

Bright Boy spoke up. "We all just got back. We got your note and we were going to come over right after we had some lunch. We got a pizza coming."

Captain Dick wanted to chew them out, but he was just too tired. Oh well, he'd tear their heads off later.

Duck Wonder introduced himself to the team. Everyone wanted to hear about his past exploits -- everyone, that is, but Buck, who really just wanted somebody to take him to a hospital.

"I have an announcement to make," Duck Wonder announced. "I have decided to come out of retirement permanently, and re-enlist in the Galactic Hero Corps."

"Yippee!" They all exclaimed, except Super Mummy, who couldn't, and Dirk Daring... well, he looked peeved about something...

The scene was now set for the future. A new hero had joined the Corps. Or, an old hero, depending on how you look at it. All of society was safe for now, and everyone was happy for the time being, except Buck, who looked like he was about to faint. It had been just another typical week for:

The Galactic Hero Corps!

Duhn Duhn DUHHHH!