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Shoot Out in the Old West
A Romantic Adventure with Guns! by
"Howdy pardner," said the stranger who had just ridden into town on his trusty horse with his trusty gun around his western waist from out of the sun and the dust and had just entered the saloon right after the whole entering town thing and was at the bar saying, "Howdy pardner."
"What do ya want, stranger?" asked the suspicious bartender with the gray mustache and gray hair who squinted a lot at the stranger with the gun. The stranger looked like he was really good with the gun. He may have even killed a few people with it. Or the bullets that come out of it, anyway.
"I'll have a shot of beer, pardner," said the lanky stranger with the white hat. He also had white clothes on. And his gun had a white handle. I would say it said 'Greased Lightning' on the gun but Greased might think I was talking about him so instead it says 'Really Fast' on the handle. It had six bullets in it because he hadn't fired any yet.
"That'll be a couple of dollars, stranger," said the bartender hoping for a pretty good tip. He also hoped that there wouldn't be a shoot out like there usually is in places like this. He poured the beer in the shot glass. The stranger downed the beer in a quick gulp and didn't cough or anything. The bartender was impressed. This man must have drunk before a lot.
"Refills are a quarter," said the bartender, not realizing how good for business free refills would be. Taco Bell wasn't invented yet. I don't think.
The stranger payed his quarter and the bartender poured another shot of beer and the stranger drank downed the beer in a quick gulp. The bartender wasn't as impressed as he had been the first time since he had seen it before.
"I think I'll play poker, pardner," said the good guy. He went to the table with the guys playing cards and sat down at the empty chair. "Deal with me, pardner," he said bluffly.
"We will beat this guy easy," said the mexican guy in a thick mexican accent. He called him gringo too.
"We will see about that, pardner." The stranger kicked his feet on the table and tipped his hat over his eyes.
"Gasp, gringo," said all four cowboys playing poker. One was mexican. The others were just regular cowboys. They gasped cause a cowboy dressed all in black came walking into the saloon. It was Black Bad Cowboy, the evillest man in the west!
"I hear there is a stranger in town and I must show him how I run this town by keeping everybody in fear of my fast guns and faster bullets, jackals," boasted the mean cowboy in black who killed lots of people all the time just to show that he could shoot his gun better than they could. Better than they could shoot their own guns, that is. He never let anybody touch his gun.
"That would be me, pardner," drawled the good cowboy.
"I'm not your pardner, jackal. Now we must go outside and fight. But we must wait until tomorrow because it is one thirty five and we can only shoot each other at noon, jackal," scowled the evil man in black. His gun was loaded with only three bullets because he had already killed three people.
The next day on the way to the shoot out at noon with the good guy, the bad guy killed a stray dog and a small boy and a minister, just to show how evil he was and to scare some more people too. So he saw the guy in white standing with the sun at his back. It was noon. The fight would start any second now.
"Draw, pardner," said the good cowboy who still hadn't shot anything.
"I love you," said the gorgeous virgin prostitute who would later marry the good guy after he won the shoot out.
"I will draw, jackal, since I am evil and would shoot you in the back if I had come the other way, jackal," scowled the bad cowboy who drew his black gun. His gun clicked and nothing happened! Remember? He only had three bullets and he used them! So the good guy said, after flinching and covering his face but in a heroic manner that didn't make the prostitute think he wasn't a real man, "I have you now, pardner." He drew his gun and shot the bad cowboy six times until he was dead. "I am the greatest shot ever and fast too," he said and said pardner too. The mexican said, "What a gringo!" and ran off to steal the good guy's horse. But the good guy didn't care cause he was gonna settle down here with the virgin prostitute and live happily ever after. He kissed her and reloaded his gun cause that was the smart thing to do.
Copyright © 2001 No Apologies! Press