Emma's Favorite Saying:
"Home is where the heart is!"

Geri's Favorite Saying:
"This what we're going to do...!"

Spice World

Reviewed by Death Rock and Nice Alice

Mel-B's Favorite Saying:
"Get'em out for the lasses!"

Mel-C's Favorite Saying:
"You'll never walk alone!"
Victoria's Favorite Saying:
"Do it...with style!"

"Now Death Rock, let's try to be nice about this review."

"Stinkin' Jovi writers. I can't believe they left so much outta this movie!"

"You mean like a plot?"

"I mean like naked women. Five chicks runnin' around on their own bus and not one time do any of 'em take so much as a glove off. I woulda sat through the credits to see if this movie was directed by some kinda homo but those dingy broads were yappin' the whole time. I had to walk out."

"Now Deathy, it wasn't that bad. The closing credits had the funniest line in the movie."

"A funny line? Hah, what was that?"

"Well, the Spice Girls are looking into the camera and talking as if they are looking at the audience. One of them says, 'Look at all those people.' I'm not sure when six people constituted a large gathering."

"Five. I was already gone."

"But really, Death Rock, what did you think?"

"Well Alice. They decided to go for the cliche plot of the movie where they are plotting to make a movie. I'm not sayin' this is a bad cliche. Movies aware of their own genre or their own fictionality can be done with wit, intelligence and originality. I think Scream achieved pretty decent success with this but then Wes Craven had practice with that last Nightmare flick."

"The Muppet Movie also did well with that plot device. But do you always have to mention those horrid blood drenched maniacal murder movies?"

"You betcha babe. They're my forte, ya know? Anyway, the singularly terrible writing of this film just exposed the choice of a 'let's make a movie' based plot as a lack of imagination on the writer's parts."

"How so, Deathy?"

"Well, obviously, somebody decided the Spice Girls should have a movie. Next step is to figure out what that movie should be about. The easy out was saying, 'Hey! We already have the movie!' Just write about how we decided the Spice Girls should have a movie and then write about what it should be about! Meanwhile, to fill up space, we have them sing and dance a lot and poke fun of their Spice Names. Result: Complete and utter boredom. This was worse than a Jovi concert."

"I have to agree even though that's not very nice at all."

"This movie should have been promoted by the words on that Ginger Spice's dress. Above her overflowing breasts was the very small word 'Mind.' Below that, exploding across her breasts in large bold letters was the word 'Power.' Says it all. Their breasts hold their power and their minds are small."

"Deathy! That's not true. If the Spice Girls derived power from their breasts, than what is that Sporty Spice doing in the group?"

"Whoa, Alice. You're right. Where'd they pick up THAT flat-chested bimbo?"

"Be nice. At least she was showing that women can be physically fit and into sports without being ugly, dominating or misshapen."

"Well, at least not dominating. Bow-wow!"

"I know with a name like Spice World and being about a music group, you can't expect much more than an hour and a half of self-promotion but that alien scene made me puke."

"I know! Just think of the scene: Five beautiful...well, four beautiful girls and their friend lost in a forest in the middle of the night. They've just run screaming from their bus because they realized Meat Loaf was their driver. Lost, scared, alone. Eight full breasts heaving with each chilling breath. And then, suddenly, from out of the sky, Aliens! Forget about asking for autographs and pictures! They almost had it right when that alien grabbed Scary Spice's breast. I mean, go for it, dudes! You got a faster than light ship to make your get-away in! Rip some clothes off! Go wild! Them Spice Girls woulda been into it."

"Well, Death Rock. I'm not sure alien rape is the kind of thing we should be promoting."

"I ain't promotin' it, babe. I'm just sayin', it woulda been better than that whole 'Even Aliens Love Us!' garbage we had to sit through."

"I don't think it's entirely nice to agree with you but I won't disagree. Maybe we should try to think of some good things to say about the movie."

"Go ahead. You're the nice one."

"Well, I thought the bar scene was nice. When the female manager said that fame was fleeting and then they showed the bartender was Elvis Costello. That was sort of smart, don't you think?"

"It was too smart. How many people know who the hell Elvis Costello was or what he looked like? Sure, it proved the point but the audience has to have some sort of recognition factor to get the joke."

"Well, I recognized him and I'm sure a lot of other people did too. You would have recognized him if it was the lead singer of Slayer or M.O.D."

"Are you saying that Slayer are has beens, babe? Cause I gotta disagree pretty vehemently and polish a duke at ya, just for my reputation, ya understand?"

"Oh Death Rock. You're so adorable."

"Did you have any other likes about the flick, Alice?"

"Well, I did like that they never swore. They seem to understand that the only people who really like them are very young or very immature and they are acting as decent role models. It was also very sweet that the alternate movie plot revolved around the fact that the true power of women is in giving birth."

"Sounds like a pretty sexist statement to me, Alice."

"Well, it was cute. They showed that they're friend was just as important to them even if she chose to become a mother instead of a powerful media persona. Even if the guy she had the baby with left her. More power to her."

"Ugh. Elton John was in this disaster too. Poor guy had to suffer through them kissing all over him. They couldn't pay me enough and I'm not gay."

"Well, I don't have anything else nice to say about this movie. I don't know about you Death Rock but I rate Spice World worse than passing a kidney stone."

"And, like I said, I'd rather go to a Jovi concert with Poison AND Cinderella opening up. With back stage tickets."