Aliens Resurrection

Reviewed by Death Rock and Nice Alice


Aliens kick ass!"This movie just plain rocked! No gettin' around it. It had everything. Death, naked women, naked half-alien half-woman freaks, gore, explosions. Man. Good flick."

These gory movies make me sick. "I didn't think this movie was very nice at all. Why do they have to be so mean to those poor aliens? Being a hermaphroditic alien from another universe, I couldn't help but be offended by the racist, prejudicial attitude these humans displayed."

"Hermafrowhat? I know you're an alien, babe, but you're such a good looker. If those aliens had knockers like yours, they'd be alive now."

"That's part of the problem. Humans judge too often by appearance alone."

"Yeah. Let's not forget that these aliens plant themselves on human faces to birth their bastard children in human chests and then go around eating out human brains when they mature."

"But that's their nature. Humans should be aware of the alien's nature and leave them alone. They don't have to wipe out the entire species just because they fear them. These humans either kill the creatures or they try to control them simply because the humans fear what they don't understand."

"Oh, they understand them all right. I'd've been blasting their slicked down Giger-type skulls left and right if I were on that ship. Right after havin' sex with Ripley, that is."

"Ripley was half one of them!"

 "Yeah but she looked good. Looks go a long way, babe."

"That's what I've been trying to say."

"Well, let's talk about the movie. Try to keep your anti-human thoughts to a minimum, would ya babe?"

"That's nice coming from Mr. WhattaHomo this and BigOleFag that."

"Hey! What happened to the nice in Nice Alice, babe?"

"I said 'That's nice,' didn't I?"

"Let's just get back to the movie, hunh?"

"I really couldn't enjoy this movie, Death Rock. There was much too much gore in it. And it doesn't end very happily."

"You gotta be kidding! The gore is the best part. Let me list the top ten best parts of this film.
10. Ripley burning her half-alien freak twisted sister.
9. That guy getting frozen and his arms snapping off.
8. The aliens tearing open the other alien.
7. The army guy reachin' around and pulling a piece of his brain out.
6. Ripley blowing the alien's head off.
5. That black guy gettin' acid in his face.
4. Winona runnin' around with a hole in her gut.
3. The baby alien biting people's heads open.
2. The alien comin' outta that guy's chest and through the other guy's face.
1. The alien being sucked outta that little hole.
Ten bona-fide reasons why this movie is a full out death metal mosh pit."

"I hope the aliens return in the fifth movie to wipe out Earth. Those humans are just not nice. They are so full of bigotry."

"Aw, come on Alice. Lighten up. The movie rocked."

"You realize that Ripley and that baby alien were basically the same being? They were both half-human and half-alien. The humans accepted Ripley because she looked like one of them. The aliens accepted Ripley because she smelled like one of them. But this baby alien is only accepted by the aliens. He is ugly so the humans can't live with him."

"Yeah, well he blew it by killin' his real mother, didn't he? The baby alien had some pretty mad issues, Alice. That's the problem with these half-children. They always want to be associated with their better parents while the better parents want nothing to do with these mongrel children. Who can blame 'em? That thing was UG-LEE!"

That's exactly right, Death Rock. Why can't people have more compassion for others instead of judging on such superficial things as looks, race or species?"

"You callin' being a different species a superficial difference? Are you crazy, Alice? You want me to go have some kinda love in with a bunch of tigers, Great Whites and Amazonian alligators? And you want me to ignore the fact that they got giant teeth, awful tempers and, in fact, are vicious predators?"

"Well, you don't have to make me sound stupid, Deathy. I'm just saying that we don't have to destroy these other creatures just because they have a different world view than us."

I'm off ta see this again!"Whatever, babe. Don't listen to Alice. She's got alien issues. Go see this movie. It's the only good movie I've seen yet. I'd let Jovi live if I ran into him after this flick. Only immediately after, though. I'd have to kill him like usual after the warm glow this movie left in my stomach was gone."

I need to lie down. "I think this movie was a beautiful example of the bigotry and prejudices inherent in the human species. It portrays mankind as the lowest of the low. Those who are supposedly loyal and honorable, the army, run at the first sign of trouble. Those who have to 'save' the Earth are hired killers and smugglers. They are villainous and wicked. I choose to think that this wasn't just the lowest of humans but a pretty representative grouping of the scum who live on this planet. Lousy movie."