Pokemon The First Movie

Mewtwo Strikes Back

Death Rock and Nice Alice

Pikachu is so adorable!"I don't think you behaved appropriately at all, Deathy" 

Pukeachu, more like."Aww, come on, Alice. This movie was a riot."

"Yes. And you caused the riot."

"No Way! Whoever wrote this suck-ass movie caused the riot. Or whoever got me in that theater caused it, Alice. Cause I ain't taking responsibility when someone starts flashing cutesy images at the back of my brain and I have to start flinging children left and right."

"I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life. Did you see the way the parents were looking at you?"

"All I saw were piss-yellow mouse headed kids babbling incessantly and knew they just had to be shut up. They're better off learning early not to act like Jovi fans."

"You really should learn to control yourself, Deathy. I couldn't see half the screen cause it was blocked by a pile of screaming youths."

"Ass rats and nose miners, Alice. Children are the dregs of humanity. And they're only gettin' worse with the crappy cartoon idealogy we're feedin' 'em. Give me the days when a shotgun blast to the face was standard fare for winnin' a cartoon argument."

"Deathy. That's just the standard 'things were better in my day' argument. I thought the movie had a nice little message for those poor children."

"Nice message? You may think I wasn't paying attention but I saw what was going on. The whole reason for collectin' these Poketurds is to make 'em fight each other, right? So that's what these retarded kids do. Sick 'em on each other. My Pokemon killed your Pokemon so I'm better, ya suck ass trainer."

"They don't *kill* each other's Pokemon, Deathy. They just bash them senseless."

"Oh, well, whatever. So these short dicks got somethin' to prove by making their pets fight. Hell, making their *friends* fight. I'd say makin' their lovers fight but I'm pretty sure that Ash was a virgin. That's the whole reason for the cartoon: fighting."

"It's not about fighting, really. Pokemon is a sport."

"Yeah, sport, slaughter. You say monogamy, I say I was workin' late. Anyway, let's just get back to this good message thing. Fight, fight, fight. Then at the end a' this flick, when that Mewtwo mutant thing was just trying to make all those Pokejerks fight, them bastard kids get all cry baby and say somethin' like, 'Pokemon aren't meant to fight...THAT WAY.' Like a punch to the face is all that different from a kick in the head. They're still being forced to fight. It's like after all the fighting build up, one line is supposed to make up for the violent message."

"I found it rather sincere, Deathy. Battling Pokemon isn't the emphasis. The emphasis is in training and taking care of the Pokemon. It's about the relationships built between children and the building of healthy, ambitious psyches which will serve these children well on into their future."

"If what you really mean by building healthy psyches is brainwashing kids with a mass merchandising campaign of a game that teaches them that winning is everything and if you lose, it's not due to weak Pokemon but to some character defect within the trainer."

"Losing is just as important as winning. I wouldn't say it points out a character defect. That wouldn't be nice. But losing does help expose areas where the child needs improvement."

"Sheesh, Alice. It's just a movie. Or a game. Or something. Don't make it more important than it is. Let's just get back to the movie."

"Okay. Did you like anything, Deathy?"

"I liked the way those kids skulls popped in my sweaty fists. Bo and Luke sure got a work out during this film. I definitely didn't like that whole Ash/Pikachu dual Jesus thing going on at the end there. Pikachu turnin' the other cheek an' all and that Jovi fan Ash gettin' his big hair band lovin' ass killed."

"Well, it showed that fighting Pokemon and winning battles isn't the be all end all of the sport. Ash and Pikachu won this conflict through not fighting. They understood the important distinction between sport and senseless fighting."

"So, you saying' fightin for sport makes sense?"

"Well, not exactly. Fighting isn't nice at all. But those Pokemon are soooo cute! Especially Pikachu! I have to believe the fighting is just a metaphor for the challenges we face in life. Children's minds aren't as rigid as adults'. I like to think, on a basic level, they understand the deeper meaning of Pokemon."

I hope child blood comes out of leather."Don't make me clock ya, Alice. 'Deeper meaning of Pokemon', sheesh. I can't talk about this dumb ass movie anymore. As a movie, it was about as much fun as a Jovi mosh pit. Which includes the extra curricular activity of letting Jovi fans meet my Dukes."

I can't wait for the cute sequel."Those poor children ... but what a cute movie!"