Tuesday, March2, 4:59 PM PST

Terrorists Screwing With American Idol Voting

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

HOLLYWOOD -- The entertainment industry was up in arms yesterday after the FBI revealed that hidden Al Qaeda terrorist cells have skewed the phone-in and text-messaging voting results for American Idol, Fox Television's hit talent show, for over two years.

The FBI's entertainment unit, based in Los Angeles, first suspected terrorist influence during the hit show's second season. It subsequently traced millions of votes back to people of Arabic persuasion.

"The plot was pretty easy to see through, really," FBI Director Robert Mueller said. "In the first season, the prettiest and most talented people, Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini, were the top two. Next season, we got fatman Ruben Studdard and complete-geek Clay Aiken."

"Those results just don't reflect America's natural inclination," Mueller added.

However, the case against terrorists remained unproven for nearly an entire year.

It wasn't until the results of World Idol -- in which Idols from around the world compete for the No. 1 spot -- that the FBI saw a pattern. German Idol Alexander Klaws, universally despised by the rest of the planet for his lame cover of "Maniac" and too-gay dancing, was a hit among the Arab countries.

Then, as the third season of the show opened up to public voting, some extremely bad and untalented performers -- such as Camile Velasco and Matt Rogers in Week 2 -- moved on to the next round.

Mueller said that it was at that point the FBI felt justified in moving against hundreds of Middle Eastern immigrants and visitors. A sting operation roped in a dozen perpetrators.

"It is too true, it is too true," confessed Ali Boyaud of Egypt, one of the Arabs caught in the sting, on video tape. "I hit redial all the time for Clay. Clay, I think he's sooooo good. Real class act and sweet to look upon, like angel, yes."

The FBI found three auto redialers connected to several phone lines in Boyaud's house. Mueller refused to comment when asked if Boyaud was a proven Al Qaeda agent, but did say that he was now detained in Guantanamo Bay.

In an unrelated matter, NBC is accusing terrorists of skewing the vote results for its "Friends Favorites" campaign, in which anyone can vote for the repeat they'd like to see that week.

"A large segment of so-called voters keep voting for the Monica-wearing-a-turkey-on-her-head episode, which only someone of a terrorist inclination would think is funny," NBC spokesperson Nick Hausanga said.

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