Monday, March 9, 7:59 AM PST

Judge Rules Arab-Americans Definitely More Arab Than American

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

ALEXANDRIA, Va. -- In another victory for Attorney General John Ashcroft and the Bush White House, two U.S. citizens of Arab descent were convicted today for being more Arab than American, and therefore probably terrorists.

The ruling follows on the heels of another made four days ago in the same courthouse, in which three citizens were found guilty of conspiracy to commit terrorism.

Federal prosecutors had charged that the men -- Faruk Jones, 23, and Marcus Mamoud, 24 -- were more likely than other citizens to disrupt the peace within the homeland with "car bombs and airplane hijackings."

"They were turbans. They don't eat pork. It's obvious, just look at them," said Anthony L. Whiting, the government's lead prosecutor. "We must therefore protect the interests of the many by destroying the few who may want to harm the us. Er... the U.S."

The presiding judge, Norquist T. Pheldon, agreed.

"In the case before me, I must weigh the evidence, and the evidence before me is the fact of two U.S. citizens, who also are presumably followers of the pagan religion, Islam. One fact outweighs a one presumption, and if they were only Muslims, I would have to rule against the government. But, one fact may be more factual than another fact, and my eyes do not lie -- thus I must conclude that these members of the Arab race are definitely Arabs but not necessarily citizens," Pheldon wrote.

"I therefore find that, in light of the present condition of this country, which must battle for order within the U.S. as well as without, that said Arabs Americans are more Arab than Americans."

In delivering his ruling, Pheldon also ordered all citizens, media outlets and dictionaries to hereon out call such people "American Arabs" instead of "Arab Americans" when referring to Arab Americans because "the noun, representative of reality, is 'Arab,' while 'American' is really an adjective which endeavors to color and distort that reality."

"Listen, the judge called it right -- even if they weren't terrorists, they were probably thinking about being terrorists," said Whiting at a press conference afterward.

Asked if the freedom to think was at issue, Whiting responded, "Freedom to think? Who ever said there was freedom to think? Do you think Arabs and American Arabs are going to afford you the freedom to think? Think again. They'll give you the freedom to blow up in an airliner."

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