6, 11:06 AM PST
Architect Worried That You're Unimpressed
He's an Architect
FRANCISCO -- Alex, your new roommate,
is reportedly upset that you're not blown away by the fact that
he's an architect.
"I'm not sure what the problem is,"
Alex stated in a press conference yesterday. "It was like,
one moment, it seems cool, the next, it's like, 'Yeah, architect,
Alex wonders if you even understand that
he's an architect, although the idea you don't know seems improbable.
"My title was pretty prominent in
the ad I placed when I was seeking someone to share this space
with," he claimed.
Alex just wishes you could appreciate his
"I can't tell you how long it took
me find a space that an architect could live in. You'd think
a certain someone would appreciate the effort, you know? But
what do I know. I'm just an architect," said Alex, finger-quoting
the word "just."
The ad that Alex posted for free on Craigslist.org
-- entitled "Great sunny 2 BR in pet-friendly building,
Share w/ ARCHITECT" -- described the apartment as:
Charming, very sunny, vaulted ceiling;
top floor 2 bedroom. A new kitchen (I may want to redesign),
dish washer, disposal, landry on site, hard wood floors, very
cute built in cabinets, and acess to a great yrd THAT I WILL
SCULPT INTO AN AMAZING AWARD-WINING YARD. About 1000 square feet,
your bedroom small but large closet, living room is averege size
and IVE ALREADY MADE IT PERFECT SO LEVE YOUR FURNITURE BEHIND.
I am an ARCHITECT so you MUST APRECIATE a great living space!!
No slobbing dogs or furry cats or fat chicks. Contact me at email@example.com
for more info.
YOU FINALLY SAY SOMETHING
"Yeah, it's a great place," you said in response to
Alex's statement. "But, you know, I just moved in -- give
me a chance to get to know you. Geez."
In response, Alex launched into his professional
"I'm an architect. I got the degree
that tells you that. I'm an active, dues-paying member of several
organizations and websites for architects."
Oh sure, Alex -- who earned his Bachelor
of Architecture degree at NewSchool in San Diego -- hasn't been
commissioned to create anything you'd know about yet,
but he did do the finish-up work for an elementary school's "automobile
portal" in Monterey, working on a freelance basis for Hilden
And he also has a "great idea, just
awesome" for a shopping mall that he can't discuss with
you just yet.
YOU'RE SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT
"On the very first day you moved in, you seemed okay,"
Alex noted. "I showed you the tiny birdbath that I installed
outside your bedroom window, which I positioned to reflect sunlight
onto the sea-blue tiles I glued on your ceiling. I even pointed
out how, when the light plays across the tiles, it appeared to
be an ocean roiling above your head."
"And you even said, 'That's cool.'
No use in denying it, man -- an architect can really change your
life." Alex added.
"You know, I really don't know what
you're problem is," Alex continued. "I am recognized
by the state of California as a 'professional.' Dentists, lawyers,
accountants, they're all professionals."
"When an architect builds a shopping
mall for you, or finds a most excellent space to live in, it's
kinda like when a doctor saves your life, right? Because he's
a professional, just like me."
You think that you would be more impressed
that Alex was a professional if he didn't have to share a small
apartment with you, but you're holding that put-down back until
the day you catch him stealing your food.
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