Thursday, Nov. 6, 11:06 AM PST

Architect Worried That You're Unimpressed He's an Architect

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

SAN FRANCISCO -- Alex, your new roommate, is reportedly upset that you're not blown away by the fact that he's an architect.

"I'm not sure what the problem is," Alex stated in a press conference yesterday. "It was like, one moment, it seems cool, the next, it's like, 'Yeah, architect, whatever.'"

Alex wonders if you even understand that he's an architect, although the idea you don't know seems improbable.

"My title was pretty prominent in the ad I placed when I was seeking someone to share this space with," he claimed.

Alex just wishes you could appreciate his professional status.

"I can't tell you how long it took me find a space that an architect could live in. You'd think a certain someone would appreciate the effort, you know? But what do I know. I'm just an architect," said Alex, finger-quoting the word "just."

The ad that Alex posted for free on -- entitled "Great sunny 2 BR in pet-friendly building, Share w/ ARCHITECT" -- described the apartment as:

Charming, very sunny, vaulted ceiling; top floor 2 bedroom. A new kitchen (I may want to redesign), dish washer, disposal, landry on site, hard wood floors, very cute built in cabinets, and acess to a great yrd THAT I WILL SCULPT INTO AN AMAZING AWARD-WINING YARD. About 1000 square feet, your bedroom small but large closet, living room is averege size and IVE ALREADY MADE IT PERFECT SO LEVE YOUR FURNITURE BEHIND. I am an ARCHITECT so you MUST APRECIATE a great living space!! No slobbing dogs or furry cats or fat chicks. Contact me at for more info.

"Yeah, it's a great place," you said in response to Alex's statement. "But, you know, I just moved in -- give me a chance to get to know you. Geez."

In response, Alex launched into his professional qualifications.

"I'm an architect. I got the degree that tells you that. I'm an active, dues-paying member of several organizations and websites for architects."

Oh sure, Alex -- who earned his Bachelor of Architecture degree at NewSchool in San Diego -- hasn't been commissioned to create anything you'd know about yet, but he did do the finish-up work for an elementary school's "automobile portal" in Monterey, working on a freelance basis for Hilden & Gracini.

And he also has a "great idea, just awesome" for a shopping mall that he can't discuss with you just yet.

"On the very first day you moved in, you seemed okay," Alex noted. "I showed you the tiny birdbath that I installed outside your bedroom window, which I positioned to reflect sunlight onto the sea-blue tiles I glued on your ceiling. I even pointed out how, when the light plays across the tiles, it appeared to be an ocean roiling above your head."

"And you even said, 'That's cool.' No use in denying it, man -- an architect can really change your life." Alex added.

"You know, I really don't know what you're problem is," Alex continued. "I am recognized by the state of California as a 'professional.' Dentists, lawyers, accountants, they're all professionals."

"When an architect builds a shopping mall for you, or finds a most excellent space to live in, it's kinda like when a doctor saves your life, right? Because he's a professional, just like me."

You think that you would be more impressed that Alex was a professional if he didn't have to share a small apartment with you, but you're holding that put-down back until the day you catch him stealing your food.

Comment in the forum
(no registration required)

Happy Hens Totally Stoked by McDonald's Policy

Elizabeth Smart's Parents: "We Are Not Pimps"

Gray Davis Offers Arnold A 'House Warming' Gift (Broken Newz)

The New News | No Apologies! Press

Copyright © 2003, No Apologies! Press