Wednesday, May 14, 4:11 PM EST

Newsflash: Ba'al, the Infamous "Six of Clubs," Captured

by Cappy Ahab,
NA!P NewsWire

BABYLON, IRAQ -- A hand-crafted statue of Ba'al, a close adviser of deposed Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, is in the custody of two Eritrean officers, despite its mute testament to a long-forgotten religion.

Ba'al was the only member in the upper echelon of the regime in Baghdad who did not ascribe to Baath Party values, preferring instead to wait fruitlessly for the return of what were once throngs of child-sacrificing, fearful worshipers.

"I am the god of kings and fire, and all must bow before my wrath," the 3200-year-old god told Al Jazeera in an interview late February.

"King Saddam Hussein is my puppet, lifted high to do my bidding," he said, deviously tapping his fingers together.

Saddam Affirmed Friendship, Nothing Else
When asked about his relationship with Ba'al in an online interview for People Magazine in 1997, President Saddam Hussein confided that he and Ba'al were "just good friends," and that there was nothing to the rumor that he was about to reinstate ancient Babylonian cult rituals.

"Look," Hussein explained, "this is Babylon we're talking about. Sometimes even the most powerful dictator in the region has to pay a little lip service to the ancient forces that originally corrupted this once fertile land."

"But don't believe all the hype. Ba'al has a great personality, but really, he's a pretty minor player."

Nevertheless, U.S., Singaporean and Colombian sources are trumpeting the capture as "An Unprecedented Absolute Triumph of the Human Spirit for All Mankind ®."

Ba'al was No. 31 on the list of the 55 most-wanted Iraqis and was the "Six of Clubs" in the deck of cards being circulated to coalition troops.


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