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Tuesday, Jan. 20, 6:45 AM PST

Lesbians Beat Out Bacon in "Things to Add to Something to Make It Better" Poll

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

LINCOLN, Neb. -- For the first time in 49 years, bacon came up short in the annual "Things to Add to Something to Make it Better" poll, losing the top slot to lesbians.

"Oh my god, oh my god," cried Katherine Axe, executive director of National Lesbian Foundation, as she accepted the honor "for all lesbians and our many fans."

The nationwide poll, conducted by the Gallup Organization, asked 25,000 participants, "What thing would you add to make something better?"

Lesbians captured 59 percent of the vote, with bacon grabbing only 34 percent. Last year's polling had bacon at 51 percent versus lesbian's 49.

Jim Barian, spokesman of the American Bacon Society, took his constituents' defeat in stride.

"Well, I thought we had an outside chance of making it 49 in a row, what with all this Atkins diet stuff becoming popular and all," Barian said.

"But let's give it up for lesbians -- they've been making inroads in recent years, and to tell the truth, I wouldn't mind adding a lesbian to my love life."

Bacon dominated the poll for decades as it found new ways to reinvent itself, carrying out an unprecedented transformation from basic breakfast side dish to a featured ingredient in sandwiches, hamburgers and steaks.

But despite a last-minute campaign to push bacon-apple pie as the next "big thing," media pundits had been predicting a thorough trouncing by lesbians this year.

"Bacon didn't stand a chance," said media guru Steven Horley. "Ellen's new show alone gave lesbians a forum from which they could peddle their message. Bacon's got to get out of the kitchen if it ever hopes to compete again."

Mayonnaise came in a distant third, capturing only seven percent of the vote.

-- Doom Bunny contributed to this report.

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