Friday, Feb. 6,
5:51 PM PST
Bank One® Bears to Play in Preparation H® Stadium
CHICAGO -- The Bank One® Bears will be playing in Preparation
H® Stadium next season, making Soldier Field the
latest victim of corporate renaming in the Windy City.
The deal, struck between Wyeth
Pharmaceuticals and the Chicago Park District, will pay out $500,000
per season to the cash-strapped city for the next 50 years. In
return, Wyeth will have naming rights to the stadium and football
field, plus first dibs on any "victory towels" the
city may produce should the Bank One® Bears ever have a winning season again.
are extremely proud and privileged to contribute to the glorious
legacy of the Bank One® Bears," announced Wyeth CEO Robert
Essner announced yesterday at a joint press conference.
Mayor Richard M. Daley.
"And we feel that our anal
ointment -- not to be applied within the rectum itself, kids
-- will best represent this great city, with its wonderful tradition
of hearty, hefty and huge cuisine," Essner added.
"Yeh," Daley added.
The announcement follows close
on the heels of another structure's renaming last week, when
it was announced that Chicago's United Center would henceforth
be called Ex-Lax® Arena.
"We are extremely proud
and privileged to contribute to the glorious legacy of the Maalox®
Bulls and the Blackhawks presented by Pepto-Bismo®,"
announced Novartis CEO Daniel Vasella announced last week at
a joint press conference.
"Yeh," said Mayor Richard
"And we feel that our oral
laxative -- not to be mistaken for chocolate, despite its delicious
chocolaty taste -- will best characterize the great city of Chicago,
with its amazingly rich, fried foods which also feature substantial
portions," Vasella continued.
"ERF... Yeh," Daley
Daley refuse to respond to questions
regarding the continuing talks between city hall and Johnson
& Johnson, which many speculate may lead to the renaming
of Chicago to "STAYFREE®
Ultra Thin Maxi, Illinois."
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