Friday, Jan. 15,
1:15 PM PST
Swarm of Bees Dissipates: Paris Hilton
CALGARY, Alberta, Canada,
North America, Earth -- A
potentially dangerous swarm of bees surrounding a trash container
in the alley of the local Booster Juice flew away late Wednesday
afternoon. Paris Hilton -- sexy multi-billionaire heiress to
the Hilton hotel empire and fortune -- happened to be working
on a tan in nearby Los Angeles, but was reported to be unharmed.
A source close to the amateur
porn star and entrepreneur was quoted as saying, "She's
okay. She's okay. Everybody calm down. OH MY GOD! Where's Nikki?"
Apparently referring to either
Nikki Hilton, Nikki Ritchie or Nikki Sixx, the source was unaware
that all Nikkis were likewise relatively safe, sequestered in
a 1400 sq. ft. broom closet of the Hilton servants' quarters,
sending sheets of hundred dollar bills through a fleet of the
scullery maid's diamond encrusted paper shredders.
A spokesperson for the Edmonton-based
Booster Juice, Canadas dominant and only national juice
and smoothie bar chain, issued a formal apology to Hilton, the
Hilton family and chain of hotels and resorts, and the United
States of America.
"It is Booster Juice's most
fervent prayer that this unfortunate incident will in no way
jeopardize Booster Juice's lucrative development contracts in
Iraq," the apology stated.
Meanwhile, Online Porn Fans Worldwide,
an activist group based in Morrison, Colo., has reacted negatively
to the news.
"Paris needs to be stung
a couple times on the chest, if you know what I mean," said
the group's representative, Hun Keghes.
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