ENTERTAINMENT

Friday, Jan. 15, 1:15 PM PST

Swarm of Bees Dissipates: Paris Hilton Unharmed

by Cappy Ahab,
NA!P NewsWire

CALGARY, Alberta, Canada, North America, Earth -- A potentially dangerous swarm of bees surrounding a trash container in the alley of the local Booster Juice flew away late Wednesday afternoon. Paris Hilton -- sexy multi-billionaire heiress to the Hilton hotel empire and fortune -- happened to be working on a tan in nearby Los Angeles, but was reported to be unharmed.

A source close to the amateur porn star and entrepreneur was quoted as saying, "She's okay. She's okay. Everybody calm down. OH MY GOD! Where's Nikki?"

Apparently referring to either Nikki Hilton, Nikki Ritchie or Nikki Sixx, the source was unaware that all Nikkis were likewise relatively safe, sequestered in a 1400 sq. ft. broom closet of the Hilton servants' quarters, sending sheets of hundred dollar bills through a fleet of the scullery maid's diamond encrusted paper shredders.

A spokesperson for the Edmonton-based Booster Juice, Canada’s dominant and only national juice and smoothie bar chain, issued a formal apology to Hilton, the Hilton family and chain of hotels and resorts, and the United States of America.

"It is Booster Juice's most fervent prayer that this unfortunate incident will in no way jeopardize Booster Juice's lucrative development contracts in Iraq," the apology stated.

Meanwhile, Online Porn Fans Worldwide, an activist group based in Morrison, Colo., has reacted negatively to the news.

"Paris needs to be stung a couple times on the chest, if you know what I mean," said the group's representative, Hun Keghes.

Comment in the forum
(no registration required)

Area Man Files Suit Against Satire Media

Supercollider Collides, Not Super

The New News | No Apologies! Press

Copyright © 2004, No Apologies! Press