Thursday, April 15, 3:12 PM PST

Bush to Ban Books About Bush, Book Claims

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Already reeling from the onslaught of "tell all" books that consistently reveal the White House's penchant for duplicity, deceit and deception, the entry of yet another volume -- entitled Burning Bush: God's Enduring Flame? -- has brought out yet another round of denouncements and denials from Bush officials.

"It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie," Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced today. "They're all lies -- what's wrong with you people? Don't you know what a lie is?"

The New News obtained an advance copy of the book, which is set to be released nationwide next week.

In an early chapter, the book's author -- former Undersecretary to the Undersecretary of Transportation for Air Security Milton G. Wahlegh -- claims to have sat in on several key meetings in which Karl Rove repeatedly eluded to his desire to prevent the publication of all books with "strong negative messaging" about George W. Bush.

"We'll call it 'national security' or something," Rove reportedly said, using finger quotes, when challenged on such a move. "I'll think of something. I am, after all, the political genius of my generation. Gimme a donut."

"While your spin skills are undoubted, I still think the courts wouldn't accept the trampling of the First Amendment --" a staff member allegedly started saying.

"We got 'em to select an unelected president, didn't we?!" interrupted Rove, before dismissing the staffer as a "complete and total puss."

Later in the book, Wahlegh reports of meetings with Rove and representatives of Clear Channel to organize burnings of anti-Bush books, including Paul Krugman's The Great Unraveling and Al Franken's Lies & the Lying Liars Who Tell Them.

They'll have a lot of kindling -- since the day George W. Bush was installed in the Oval Office by the Supreme Court, a seemingly endless supply of books about the would-be president have been published.

But the tone in such Bush books has changed in the last year, moving away from "real but funny" texts -- such as Molly Ivin's Bushwhacked -- and into the realm of blistering first-person accounts by Republicans who have witnessed the president and his cronies acting against the national interest.

White House immediately pounced on Wahlegh and Burning Bush, denouncing the former-official-turned-author as a "out of the loop and uninformed" during his tenure at the Pentagon.

"Much like former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neal, former terrorist czar Richard Clarke, and journalist Bob Woodward -- who is the only reporter provided with big-time access to the president and his staff, and who wrote the amazing book Bush at War before writing that lying screed Plan of Attack -- the author of Burning Bush was ostracized long before by the staff, was not invited to attend important meetings and was generally considered to ask too many questions," McClellan claimed.

"Does it matter that the authors you've just indicated were 'out of the loop' are all Republicans?" asked Stella Scheeno of the Washington Times.

"They ain't good Republicans," McClellan answered. "A good Republican doesn't ask too many questions."

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