18, 2:20 PM PST
Several CA Recall Candidates Quit, Enter
Race for Democratic Nomination
OAKLAND, CALIF. -- Since the Ninth Circuit of Appeals delayed California's
recall election, over 20 one-time gubernatorial candidates have
declared their intentions to run for the Democratic presidential
nomination. They're betting that the wide -- and widely unrecognized
-- field of current would-be nominees gives them a better shot
"Hell dude, at least I've heard of at least some
of the California candidates," said Guzz (Gary) Richards,
formerly the recall candidate for the Harley Davidson Motorcycle
Club Party -- which he founded -- and now a registered Democrat.
Richards claims not to recognize any of
the Democrats running for the nomination.
"And all ya need to to know about
me is that I'm a friggin' bona-fide ass breaker," Richards
said, cracking a knuckle.
"I figure that the way things are
shaping up, with a buncha no-name blowhards running against a
president popular with the rednecks, I could get me a chunk of
the vote being the 'Let's Nuke the Arabs Anyway' guy for the
Richards had less than one percent of one
percent of the vote during his run for the Governor's Mansion
in Sacramento, but figures he'll garner well over two percent
in the upcoming primaries.
"Dude, with all them guys running
for the Dem's ticket, I got me a shot," Richards said. "Not
a big one, but better than if I was running against Arnold. Ya
know what I'm saying, bitch?"
Experts Knew It
Many political analysts aren't surprised by this turn of events.
"Look, the fact of the matter is,
the recall candidates have had greater media exposure than the
Democratic wannabes," stated Duvay Leones, lead analyst
for the liberal-leaning Duvay Leones Institute.
"Look at Georgy Russell -- she already has greater
name recognition than Rep.
Dennis Kucinich," Leones said.
"If Georgy parlays her huge Internet
advantage into a bid for the Democratic nomination, she may very
well be the contender come next election."
"And she's hotter than Kucinich,"
Leones added. "Much, much hotter."
Georgy didn't return phone calls for comment,
but issued a press release stating she would "weigh her
Dems Wishing Clinton Could
Democrats scrambled to respond to the sudden influx of yet more
would-be presidents into the Democratic fold.
"I'd be more worried about that Guzz
Richards if General Wesley Clark hadn't stepped into the ring,"
said Eric Workman, a spokesman for the Democratic Leadership
"That guy had a real on-target message
that speaks to a plurality of the nation," Workman said,
sighing with relief. "Near miss, boys!"
Rep. Kucinich, meanwhile, reacted to Leones'
implication that he wasn't hot enough for the Democratic Party.
"I am a fine-looking man, if I do
say so myself," Kucinich said. "But that isn't the
issue -- the issue is, do we really want another four years of
"BORING!" yelled someone, followed
by chants of "Georgy, Georgy, Georgy!"
Playboy, in the meantime, is hoping Georgy
will stick to the recall race.
"Frankly, it lessens our chances of
publishing her if she wins the Presidency," said a Playboy
spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous.
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