Thursday, September 18, 2:20 PM PST

Several CA Recall Candidates Quit, Enter Race for Democratic Nomination

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

OAKLAND, CALIF. -- Since the Ninth Circuit of Appeals delayed California's recall election, over 20 one-time gubernatorial candidates have declared their intentions to run for the Democratic presidential nomination. They're betting that the wide -- and widely unrecognized -- field of current would-be nominees gives them a better shot at success.

"Hell dude, at least I've heard of at least some of the California candidates," said Guzz (Gary) Richards, formerly the recall candidate for the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Club Party -- which he founded -- and now a registered Democrat.

Richards claims not to recognize any of the Democrats running for the nomination.

"And all ya need to to know about me is that I'm a friggin' bona-fide ass breaker," Richards said, cracking a knuckle.

"I figure that the way things are shaping up, with a buncha no-name blowhards running against a president popular with the rednecks, I could get me a chunk of the vote being the 'Let's Nuke the Arabs Anyway' guy for the liberalists."

Richards had less than one percent of one percent of the vote during his run for the Governor's Mansion in Sacramento, but figures he'll garner well over two percent in the upcoming primaries.

"Dude, with all them guys running for the Dem's ticket, I got me a shot," Richards said. "Not a big one, but better than if I was running against Arnold. Ya know what I'm saying, bitch?"

Experts Knew It
Many political analysts aren't surprised by this turn of events.

"Look, the fact of the matter is, the recall candidates have had greater media exposure than the Democratic wannabes," stated Duvay Leones, lead analyst for the liberal-leaning Duvay Leones Institute.

"Look at Georgy Russell -- she already has greater name recognition than Rep. Dennis Kucinich," Leones said.

"If Georgy parlays her huge Internet advantage into a bid for the Democratic nomination, she may very well be the contender come next election."

"And she's hotter than Kucinich," Leones added. "Much, much hotter."

Georgy didn't return phone calls for comment, but issued a press release stating she would "weigh her options."

Dems Wishing Clinton Could Run
Democrats scrambled to respond to the sudden influx of yet more would-be presidents into the Democratic fold.

"I'd be more worried about that Guzz Richards if General Wesley Clark hadn't stepped into the ring," said Eric Workman, a spokesman for the Democratic Leadership Council.

"That guy had a real on-target message that speaks to a plurality of the nation," Workman said, sighing with relief. "Near miss, boys!"

Rep. Kucinich, meanwhile, reacted to Leones' implication that he wasn't hot enough for the Democratic Party.

"I am a fine-looking man, if I do say so myself," Kucinich said. "But that isn't the issue -- the issue is, do we really want another four years of --"

"BORING!" yelled someone, followed by chants of "Georgy, Georgy, Georgy!"

Playboy, in the meantime, is hoping Georgy will stick to the recall race.

"Frankly, it lessens our chances of publishing her if she wins the Presidency," said a Playboy spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous.

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