CREEPY CALIFORNIA CRISIS

Friday, September 19, 11:22 AM PST

Gray Davis Stays In Office: "I Don't Recall"

by Cappy Ahab,
NA!P NewsWire's Resident Crazy

CALIFORNIA TERRITORY -- In exchange for his position as governor, Gray Davis has forfeited the U.S. statehood of California.

Davis spoke at a press conference outside the recently merged Krispy Kreme/Starbucks Enfoodtainment Complex in downtown Sacramento.

"This is not about an election," he said. "This is not about the Republican party. This about jobs."

Job security was the number one factor in declaring California a territory, the first extraconstitutional step in a process of secession from the Union.

"This act [of statehood forfeiture] will stabilize our government at the highest level," Davis added. "It will ensure that rolling blackouts will occur in a timely and orderly manner. It will ensure that fiscal reports will baffle the masses. In short, it will ensure that California stays Gray!"

Representatives from Nevada and Arizona cheered the move, which elevated their federal status from "Desert Wastelands" to "Sunny West Coast Destinations"

According to the Arizona Convention and Visitors Bureau (ACVB), Scottsdale will soon be declared the "New Hollywood," building on its rich film-production history.

"Countless movies have been shot on location in Scottsdale: Just One of the Guys, Raising Arizona, Revenge of the Nerds. No, wait, that last one was in Tucson," said Fern Mackeral, a volunteer at ACVB.

When asked if any movies had been shot in Scottsdale before or after the 1980s, Mackeral said he didn't know.

"We haven't updated our 3 x 5 cards since [longtime volunteer] Eunice passed on. I think maybe so. Wasn't The Field of Dreams shot here? Or am I thinking of that other football picture?"

In a related story, the press corps attending the press conference later admitted to "not realizing that Sacramento had a downtown."

At the conclusion of his speech, Davis assured that employment would remain a top priority in the administration of the new territory.

"My fellow Mexicans, as provincial baron-lord, I will see to it that no member of the ruling class is ever without work again!" he concluded.

Television's Arnold Drummond had no comment.

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