13, 1:52 PM PST
Republicans Pull Switcharoo, Steal Democrats'
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a startling move, Republicans are
demanding that television and cable networks portray to their
members and their states as the "blue party." Given
that the owners of major media outlets generally back the GOP,
they're likely to get their wish.
officials had long been embarrassed with the red designation,
in large part because the color has long been associated with
"We ain't red," declared
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Ill.). "It's all you
dirty liberals who're red."
"We thought maybe we could
just switch to different color, like white," Sen. John McCain
(R-Ariz.) said. "But we figured the French already had a
claim on that one. So we figured we'd stick it the liberalists."
Democrats, however, had something
to say about the proposed change in hues.
"Oh, they want us to be
the reds now?" Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle (D-S.D.)
"Well, I guess that's okay. I guess. Sigh..."
Americans across the country
aren't taking the news as lightly as the parties, however, demonstrating
a growing sense that politicians just aren't in touch with their
"I dun wanna be no blue,"
complained Cyrus McVeigh, chairman of the Republican Party in
Perkins County, Nebraska and a distant cousin of the infamous
"Red means stop! As in,
'Stop homosexualizin' our country, California!' As in, 'Stop
complainin' about the lack of a decent Medicare drug discount
card, old peoples!'" McVeigh added.
Registered Democrats didn't seem
to happy with the change, either.
"Does this m-mean we're
Re-Republicans n-now, mommy?" asked Dolores Mandrell, 6,
of New York.
"I'm afraid it does, sweetheart,"
answered her mother, Juanita Mandrell. "Time to go watch
Fox News religiously and lose some IQ points. I guess. Sigh..."