Tuesday, September 30, 1:12 PM PST

Bush Compromises, Only Needs $86.8 Billion

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a move that has shocked politicians, analysts, Washington insiders and U.S. citizens of every political stripe, George W. Bush announced today that he's willing to compromise on something.

In particular, Bush indicated he'd be willing to take only $86.8 billion of the $87 billion in emergency funding he requested from Congress two weeks ago to help cover the cost of occupying and rebuilding Iraq.

Bush indicated that compromise was not his first preference.

"That $200 million was gonna feed them starving Iraqi kids," Bush said. "But I gotta recognize that sometimes -- well, this one time -- sacrifices are necessary to get what you need for Halliburton."

Of the $87 billion originally requested, over $20 billion was slated to go to Halliburton and other contractors to help rebuild Iraq.

"We were a little worried about it first," admitted Halliburton CEO David Lesar.

"But when we crunched the numbers and saw that we'd still get our $20 b-notes anyway, we stopped caring," Lesar added.

Congress Freaks Out
The reaction from Congress was immediate and expected.

"I can't believe we won something!" Senator Robert Byrd (D-W.V.) cried jubilantly.

"I mean, sure, technically Bush is supposed to do what we tell him, but the Constitution and reality are two different things," Byrd continued. "The democratic process is alive and kicking, people!"

The jubilant atmosphere at Congress is not surprising -- after all, this White House administration had gone through great pains not to cooperate with Congress on any level during its three-year reign.

Congress was so happy with "The Bush Compromise" that they immediately passed a bill that gave the White House $87 billion anyway.

"We wanted to send a message to the current occupier of the Oval Office," said Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA). "And that message is this -- you play nice with us, guess what? We'll play nice back."

"That'll show 'em!" cried Representative Bill Ney (R-Ohio), high-fiving Boxer.

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