30, 1:12 PM PST
Bush Compromises, Only Needs $86.8 Billion
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a move that has shocked politicians, analysts,
Washington insiders and U.S. citizens of every political stripe,
George W. Bush announced today that he's willing to compromise
particular, Bush indicated he'd be willing to take only $86.8
billion of the $87 billion in emergency funding he requested
from Congress two weeks ago to help cover the cost of occupying
and rebuilding Iraq.
Bush indicated that compromise was not
his first preference.
"That $200 million was gonna feed
them starving Iraqi kids," Bush said. "But I gotta
recognize that sometimes -- well, this one time -- sacrifices
are necessary to get what you need for Halliburton."
Of the $87 billion originally requested,
over $20 billion was slated to go to Halliburton and other contractors
to help rebuild Iraq.
"We were a little worried about it
first," admitted Halliburton CEO David Lesar.
"But when we crunched the numbers
and saw that we'd still get our $20 b-notes anyway, we stopped
caring," Lesar added.
Congress Freaks Out
The reaction from Congress was immediate and expected.
"I can't believe we won something!"
Senator Robert Byrd (D-W.V.) cried jubilantly.
"I mean, sure, technically Bush is
supposed to do what we tell him, but the Constitution and reality
are two different things," Byrd continued. "The democratic
process is alive and kicking, people!"
The jubilant atmosphere at Congress is
not surprising -- after all, this White House administration
had gone through great pains not to cooperate with Congress on
any level during its three-year reign.
Congress was so happy with "The Bush
Compromise" that they immediately passed a bill that gave
the White House $87 billion anyway.
"We wanted to send a message to the
current occupier of the Oval Office," said Senator Barbara
Boxer (D-CA). "And that message is this -- you play nice
with us, guess what? We'll play nice back."
"That'll show 'em!" cried Representative
Bill Ney (R-Ohio), high-fiving Boxer.
(no registration required)
The New News
| No Apologies! Press
Copyright © 2003, No Apologies!