Monday, Dec.8, 1:39 PM PST

Six Presidents Rise From the Dead: Quorum Declared

by Cappy Ahab,
NA!P NewsWire

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a stunning political comeback, six former U.S. presidents literally rose from the dead early Sunday morning, gathering at the Lincoln Memorial for a breakfast "meet and greet."

Reporters from CBS Sunday Morning and Sit & Be Fit! were on hand to witness the evocation of the rarely utilized 28th Amendment, entitled "Presidential Council Powers of Coup d'Etat." Under the guidelines of this amendment, a council of five or more former presidents may be called at any time to overthrow any or all of the existing three branches of the federal government.

Calvin "Silent Cal" Coolidge, Martin "Marty" Van Buren, John Quincy "The Coroner" Adams, Herbert Hoover, Millard Fillmore and Michael Dukakis gathered in a sinister huddle to discuss the future of the country.

Former President Gerald Ford was also on hand but for an unrelated promotional event for Excelsior Arch Supports.

When the council was informed that Michael Dukakis had never actually been elected president and may indeed be considered technically alive by some members of the medical community, Fillmore rolled his one good eye out of its socket and Adams moaned incoherently.

When asked which branch of government the council planned to overthrow, council members began to punch one another very slowly.

Mary Ann Wilson, host of public television's wildly popular exercise program for the elderly, Sit & Be Fit!, brought a chair and resistance band for the council to engage in some no-impact movement exercises.

However, not everything went as planned. According to Wilson, "It didn't go as planned. They ate the chair."

Early reports indicated that a seventh former president was among the council, but it turned out that Gerald Ford was simply admiring the texture of the concrete on the Washington Mall and was mistaken for a risen corpse.

When asked to comment on the mix-up, Ford blinked, then pointed to a cloud that looked like a potato.

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