1:39 PM PST
Six Presidents Rise From the Dead: Quorum
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a stunning political comeback, six former U.S.
presidents literally rose from the dead early Sunday morning,
gathering at the Lincoln Memorial for a breakfast "meet
Reporters from CBS Sunday Morning and Sit
& Be Fit! were on hand to witness the evocation of the rarely
utilized 28th Amendment, entitled "Presidential Council
Powers of Coup d'Etat." Under the guidelines of this amendment,
a council of five or more former presidents may be called at
any time to overthrow any or all of the existing three branches
of the federal government.
Calvin "Silent Cal" Coolidge, Martin "Marty"
Van Buren, John Quincy "The Coroner" Adams, Herbert
Hoover, Millard Fillmore and Michael Dukakis gathered in a sinister
huddle to discuss the future of the country.
Former President Gerald Ford was also on
hand but for an unrelated promotional event for Excelsior Arch
When the council was informed that Michael
Dukakis had never actually been elected president and may indeed
be considered technically alive by some members of the medical
community, Fillmore rolled his one good eye out of its socket
and Adams moaned incoherently.
When asked which branch of government the
council planned to overthrow, council members began to punch
one another very slowly.
Mary Ann Wilson, host of public television's
wildly popular exercise program for the elderly, Sit & Be
Fit!, brought a chair and resistance band for the council to
engage in some no-impact movement exercises.
However, not everything went as planned.
According to Wilson, "It didn't go as planned. They ate
Early reports indicated that a seventh
former president was among the council, but it turned out that
Gerald Ford was simply admiring the texture of the concrete on
the Washington Mall and was mistaken for a risen corpse.
When asked to comment on the mix-up, Ford
blinked, then pointed to a cloud that looked like a potato.
(no registration required)
The New News
| No Apologies! Press
Copyright © 2003, No Apologies!