10, 11:07 PM EST
Bush Takes 2nd Place in 2nd-Grade Speech
by Hesah McToole,
D.C. -- George W. Bush claimed second place in a speech exhibition
with his fellow second graders at Redwood Elementary School yesterday
The topic: "Is world peace possible?"
Chelsea McMurty, later declared the first-place
speaker at the exhibition, opined that "children all across
the world should talk to their parents about world peace, because
there are enough problems in the world -- including hunger, lack
of sanitation and disease -- to worry about."
"Once the parents understand that
their children are afraid of war, they'll stop making war with
"Bu-oh-oh-shi-uh-uh-uh-t COUGH," coughed former President
George Bush, Sr., sitting among the audience.
McMurty cried in response.
The younger Bush started strong, declaring
that "world peacification is only possible when we disarmificate
Iraq. I will defense the Constiahtution. That's my job."
But as he continued his prepared statement,
Bush began to unravel, interjecting dozens of "ahs"
and "uhs" between words and sometimes syllables.
"Saddam Hussein, uh... has had, uhm...12
years to, ah... disarm... He is deceivah.. ing people. This is
what's uh... imporah... tant for our feller citiuhm.. zens to
It became clear to attendees that
Bush didn't have a grasp of the concepts he was talking about
during the question-and-answer portion of his speech, often greeting
queries with blank stares.
"I.. uhm.. uh.. am sworn to defense
the Constiah...tution" became a pat reply to the several
inquiries regarding Iraq, demonstrators, democratic governments
not supporting his war initiative, North Korea and the success
"In the end, he just fell apart,"
Janelle Pantello, Bush's teacher, stated.
"That, and the making up of words.
While that's not unusual among seven-year-olds, Junior is a grown
man. Even if he is in the second grade."
"That's okay," stated Barbara
Bush, Bush's mother. "He'll get over coming in second place
-- he's done it before."
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