Wednesday, June 23, 4:26 PM PST

Bush Calls for Creation of New Department to Fight Government Waste

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Bush has once again attempted to answer criticisms of "fiscally conservative" Republicans that government spending is out of control, this time by calling for the establishment of a new U.S. Department of Government Waste, or DGW.

"This new department, uhm... will not only save America money by... overseeing all, uh, ex-expenditures of all ex-executive-branch offices. It, uhm, will also... also provide practical tips and, erm, cost-cutting coupons that all federal employees will be able to take ad,uh,vantage of when working in an, uhhhh... official capacification," Bush claimed.

The DGW would likely add about 22,000 federal jobs, including a Secretary of Government Waste and hundreds of department heads, such as an Assistant Secretary of Government Waste for Frequent Flier Miles and an Assistant Undersecretary of Government Waste for Coupons (Fast Food).

Economists' reactions to the announcement were mixed -- on the one hand, the new department is sure to find great deals for the U.S. government. But it also expands the government, adds billions to the federal payroll and overburdens an already in-the-red national debt.

Both Republican and Democratic critics are pointing out that adding yet another department to the federal government is simply another example of a government spending beyond its means.

"It isn't," Press Secretary Scott McClellan said in an eloquent response. "That's just crazy. Stupid crazy, even."

McClellan also demanded that everyone "fall in line, or you'll get what you deserve."

Bush has repeatedly promised to "cut wasteful government spending" throughout his time in the Oval Office, but has continually sent the government's budget further into deficit every year.

"He's following in the footsteps of his hero, Ronald Reagan," said Dan Fanforth, a historian. "It's neat, actually -- you say you're there to cut government waste but turn around and spend more money than anyone before you. It's misdirection, the best kind of magic trick. David Copperfield has nothing on Bush."

David Copperfield, however, is bristling at the suggestion that Bush is better at fooling the American people than himself.

"I made a flippin' jet liner disappear, man," Copperfield said. "I made the flippin' Statue of Liberty disappear, man!"

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