LOSERS

Wednesday, March 3, 3:18 PM PST

Dudes Totally Hanging Out Friday Night

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

SAN JOSE, Calif. -- Dudes have declared that they will be hanging out in downtown San Jose on Friday night, where they will drink a lot of beer, talk a lot of shit and lie about the girls they're sleeping with.

"Oh man, I just can't even wait for Friday night," said Manuel Ramirez of Cupertino. "I'm going to get stinky with beer, and I got me a lot of shit to talk about."

Ramirez would not clarify whether or not that shit included lying about the girls he's allegedly sleeping with. But his cohorts offered opinions.

"Yeah, that dude's always going on about this chick and that slut," offered Tran Nguyen, a resident of Santa Clara. "But we all do that, I guess. Well, those dudes do -- not me."

"Just last week, Manny was talking about bagging two biatches on the same day without either knowing about it," Brian Hendricks of Sunnyvale said. "Dude's totally full of shit, especially when he's blasted."

"Or maybe that was Tran. Coulda been Tran. Coulda been Shooter or Franklin, for that matter. It'll all tends to blur together when you've had a few pitchers a' Bud, know what I'm saying?"

But Ramirez, Tran, Shooter, Franklin and Hendricks aren't the only dudes getting drunk, talking shit and lying about chicks.

"Oh yeah, we hundreds of drunk, trash-talking dudes bragging about scorin' girls coming in all the time," said Petey White, proprietor of Wankers, a bar in downtown San Jose. "They usually drive Cameros."

"One thing most dudes do here is, they go off to use the crapper and come back claimin' some gaggle of girls was totally checking 'em out," White continued. "But usually, they're just starin' at the drunk guy talking shit about sleeping with each of them while asking where the toilet is."

However, Ramirez insists that he isn't one of those "drunk losers" who makes shit up.

"Dude, swear to God dude, they were totally checking out my package, and I was like, 'Hey baby, you wanna come talk with me in the bathroom?' and she was so into it, dude. And I totally scored."

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