"Economy Booming!" Declares
Jobless Man Buying Doughnut
LANSING, MICH. --
Citing his great hopes of finding a job soon due the huge gains
made in the economy this past quarter, Thomas Sveltbourn purchased
an Original Glazed at the local Krispy Kreme today.
"Mmm... man, that doughnut is freakin'
good," Sveltbourn declared as he munched his way through
the steaming pastry.
unemployed mechanical engineer, who hasn't held a steady job
in three years, felt jubilant after economists reported that
the national economy grew at an annual rate of 8.2 percent in
the third quarter -- the fastest growth in nearly 20 years.
"I just had to get me a doughnut.
You know, to celebrate," Sveltbourn said. "I'll be
swimming in the dough -- and doughnuts -- as soon as these hiring
types get the news."
Sveltburn's Krispy Kreme doughnut was the
first he'd had in months.
"When they first opened up, I was
here all the time because they'd give you a free doughnut while
you waited," Sveltbourn said.
"Then after awhile, they saw I was
just in for the free doughnut, so they said I couldn't get any
more until I bought some."
Krispy Kreme's mandate sent Sveltbourn
into a doughnut-withdrawal spiral from which he was barely able
to pull out.
"I was so desperate... I even went
to a Dunkin Donuts," Sveltbourn admitted, shivering. "It
was all I could afford with my unemployment and all."
As he placed his order for a single Original
Glazed, Sveltbourn related his story to 19-year-old Kailene Browner,
a Krispy Kreme assistant manager.
"Man, I'm gonna be in here every day!
You just wait! Every day!" Sveltbourn continually declared
to Browner as she served up his doughnut.
"Nation's economy up 8.2 percent,
and you gonna tell me there's no job for me? Hell no -- there's
too many jobs for me. Just a matter of choosin', is all.
I'll probably pick the one closest to a Krispy Kreme, know what
Browner, however, didn't seem impressed.
"You know, when you add something
to nothing -- like the worst economy this nation's experienced
since the 1930s -- it may look positive, but it's really just
a little bit less worse," Browner pointed out.
"Man, that's just typical negative
liberal thinking you got going on there," Sveltbourn replied.
"I'll take my free doughnut now."
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