SELECTION 2004

Monday, March 15, 5:00 AM PST

Kerry Would Drop F-Bomb on Unsuspecting World, Bush Warns

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

DES MOINES, Iowa -- Speaking before handpicked crowds in several American towns to raise additional funds for his record-breaking $150-million campaign war chest, George W. Bush warned that John Kerry, if elected, would drop F-bombs on both the American public and the international community.

Awareness of Kerry's repeated use of the F-bomb was brought to the fore by the recently embarrassed "reporter" Matt Drudge (who earlier this year had claimed that the senator had a non-existent affair) after he searched the keywords "fuck you John Kerry I hait you 4ever!!!" at JohnKerry.com. The results produced four instances of Kerry saying the F-word.

Republicans have been quick to add the senator's liberal usage of the curse word to its list of non-issues.

"To me, this election is about three things -- gay marriage, athletes on steroids and cursing," Bush said in Shreveport, La. "If you want a guy who loves homos, druggies and the F-bomb, then go ahead and don't voterate for me."

"Let us talk about the future of not only our children, but of the whole inter-nation community," Bush said in Kalamazoo, Mich. "Can America really affordicate a CEO who will drop the F-bomb on North Career, Irabia, Chinate, Rusher and them faggots in France?"

According to Beltway insiders, Kerry may just as well stop campaigning today. "No one runs with a non-issue like Republicans," said political analyst Jeffrey Gobbes. "Look what they did with Clinton's blow job, Gore's Internet and WMDs in Iraq. Kerry's already lost."

"The choice is clear," Bush announced in Des Moines. "Vote for that liberalist from New England if you wanna alienarate the rest of the planet, or vote for me, a friend of the world who promises you, your children and your community that I will never emplorate the F-bomb."

When asked if he ever use the H-bomb, Bush answered, "Hell yeah!"

Americans appear divided on the issue of Kerry's free-wheeling use of a top-tier curse word.

"On the one hand, I'd like to have a job again," said Edna Murchano of Des Moines.

"But on the other, I just don't know if I can abide someone saying 'eff off' all the time. I guess, weighing the two situations, I'd have to vote for Bush. If I don't starve to death first."

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