15, 5:00 AM PST
Kerry Would Drop F-Bomb on Unsuspecting
World, Bush Warns
DES MOINES, Iowa -- Speaking before handpicked crowds
in several American towns to raise additional funds for his record-breaking
$150-million campaign war chest, George W. Bush warned that John
Kerry, if elected, would drop F-bombs on both the American public
and the international community.
of Kerry's repeated use of the F-bomb was brought to the fore
by the recently embarrassed "reporter" Matt Drudge
(who earlier this year had claimed that the senator had a non-existent
affair) after he searched the keywords "fuck you John Kerry
I hait you 4ever!!!" at JohnKerry.com. The results produced
four instances of Kerry saying the F-word.
Republicans have been quick to
add the senator's liberal usage of the curse word to its list
"To me, this election is
about three things -- gay marriage, athletes on steroids and
cursing," Bush said in Shreveport, La. "If you want
a guy who loves homos, druggies and the F-bomb, then go ahead
and don't voterate for me."
"Let us talk about the future
of not only our children, but of the whole inter-nation community,"
Bush said in Kalamazoo, Mich. "Can America really affordicate
a CEO who will drop the F-bomb on North Career, Irabia, Chinate,
Rusher and them faggots in France?"
According to Beltway insiders,
Kerry may just as well stop campaigning today. "No one runs
with a non-issue like Republicans," said political analyst
Jeffrey Gobbes. "Look what they did with Clinton's blow
job, Gore's Internet and WMDs in Iraq. Kerry's already lost."
"The choice is clear,"
Bush announced in Des Moines. "Vote for that liberalist
from New England if you wanna alienarate the rest of the planet,
or vote for me, a friend of the world who promises you, your
children and your community that I will never emplorate the F-bomb."
When asked if he ever use the
H-bomb, Bush answered, "Hell yeah!"
Americans appear divided on the
issue of Kerry's free-wheeling use of a top-tier curse word.
"On the one hand, I'd like
to have a job again," said Edna Murchano of Des Moines.
"But on the other, I just
don't know if I can abide someone saying 'eff off' all the time.
I guess, weighing the two situations, I'd have to vote for Bush.
If I don't starve to death first."
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