BUSINESS

Wednesday, September 10, 12:00 PM PST

Ford Named Official Sponsor of U.S. Occupation of Iraq

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

DETROIT -- Days after calling on Congress to provide $87 billion for the security and reconstruction of Iraq, George W. Bush has announced that Ford Motor Company will help alleviate the cost by sponsoring the U.S. occupation of the country.

The $50 million deal not only makes Ford the official vehicle of Iraqi occupiers, but also gives the company naming rights to the war, which will now be called "The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford."

"I got the idea when I saw them Bears get pounded by them Niners this weekend," Bush said with pride.

"Them announcers said they was renamed 'Bears Football Presented by Bank One.' "

The sponsorship is being hailed as an innovative solution to the rising problem of paying for The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford.

"Ever since it became clear that The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford was going to be way over our projected budget, we've been looking into various ways to cover the cost without dipping too much into the popular programs, like corporate welfare," Treasury Secretary John Snow said.

"Corporate sponsorship of American invasions is the future of this country," Snow added.


America Reacts, No One Asks Iraq
Instant polls show that a majority of Americans support corporate sponsorship of American wars.

"I dunno, I kinda like it," said Xan Obermeyer of Seattle. "We get more money put into education -- and besides, it's catchy!"

However, not everyone was happy with this latest development.

"Renaming the invasion 'The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford' is just another example of this country kowtowing to corporations," stated Peter Ruiz, an activist based out of Santa Fe, N.M.

"The only reason The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford is taking place in the first place is for the oil and gas companies," Ruiz continued, labeling The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford as "a vicious cycle of various corporations to obtain gas for pennies and sell cars for thousands."

Still others just weren't happy with the name.

"Dude, I drive a Chevy, not no slippy tippy Ford shit," declared Ron Herman of Billings, Mont. "Ain't no way I gonna call it 'The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford.' I'm gonna keep calling it 'Iraq Is Our Bitches,' just like always."

"Fuck Ford!" Herman added. "Chevy forever, dude!"

Herman may be waging a losing battle -- already the name is catching on like a Western U.S. wildfire, taking popular culture by storm.

"I just want my husband to come back from The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford," Marilyn Sutherton of Milwaukee said, weeping openly.

Her husband, Private Charles Sutherton, was supposed to return from The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford six months ago.

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