10, 12:00 PM PST
Ford Named Official Sponsor of U.S. Occupation
DETROIT -- Days
after calling on Congress to provide $87 billion for the security
and reconstruction of Iraq, George W. Bush has announced that
Ford Motor Company will help alleviate the cost by sponsoring
the U.S. occupation of the country.
The $50 million deal not only makes Ford the official
vehicle of Iraqi occupiers, but also gives the company naming
rights to the war, which will now be called "The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford."
"I got the idea when I saw them Bears
get pounded by them Niners this weekend," Bush said with
"Them announcers said they was renamed
'Bears Football Presented by Bank One.' "
The sponsorship is being hailed as an innovative
solution to the rising problem of paying for The Ford Tough War
in Iraq Presented by Ford.
"Ever since it became clear that The
Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford was going to be way
over our projected budget, we've been looking into various ways
to cover the cost without dipping too much into the popular programs,
like corporate welfare," Treasury Secretary John Snow said.
"Corporate sponsorship of American
invasions is the future of this country," Snow added.
America Reacts, No One
Instant polls show that a majority of Americans support corporate
sponsorship of American wars.
"I dunno, I kinda like it," said
Xan Obermeyer of Seattle. "We get more money put into education
-- and besides, it's catchy!"
However, not everyone was happy with this
"Renaming the invasion 'The Ford Tough
War in Iraq Presented by Ford' is just another example of this
country kowtowing to corporations," stated Peter Ruiz, an
activist based out of Santa Fe, N.M.
"The only reason The Ford Tough War
in Iraq Presented by Ford is taking place in the first place
is for the oil and gas companies," Ruiz continued, labeling
The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford as "a vicious
cycle of various corporations to obtain gas for pennies and sell
cars for thousands."
Still others just weren't happy with the
"Dude, I drive a Chevy, not no slippy
tippy Ford shit," declared Ron Herman of Billings, Mont.
"Ain't no way I gonna call it 'The Ford Tough War in Iraq
Presented by Ford.' I'm gonna keep calling it 'Iraq Is Our Bitches,'
just like always."
"Fuck Ford!" Herman added. "Chevy
Herman may be waging a losing battle --
already the name is catching on like a Western U.S. wildfire,
taking popular culture by storm.
"I just want my husband to come back
from The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented by Ford," Marilyn
Sutherton of Milwaukee said, weeping openly.
Her husband, Private Charles Sutherton,
was supposed to return from The Ford Tough War in Iraq Presented
by Ford six months ago.
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