2, 1:48 PM PST
Americans Grieve, Rage After Heat Wave
Kills Thousands of Frenchmen
by Brent the Johnson,
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- France's announcement that the death toll had reached
11,435 during the worst heat wave to strike the nation in decades
was met with outpourings of grief and outrage throughout the
"Why, God, why?" asked Ann Coulter in
her nationally syndicated column. "Certainly, the French
often stood against us in matters of foreign policy, but in the
end, they are still foremost among our allies."
"It's just not fair," said a
bewildered Geoge W. Bush at a press conference to address the
natural disaster, tears glistening in his eyes. "So many
deaths, so many hurt, it's..."
Bush turned away and didn't finish his
Americans have long appreciated the French
for all they have done for the U.S. in its times of need. France
became America's first ally, recognizing it as a nation when
no other would in the late 1700s.
More recently, France embraced the U.S.
during 9/11, mourning as a nation at the horrific events unfolded.
The French newpaper Le Monde summed it up best, declaring,
"We Are All Americans."
Today, The New York Times reciprocated
the feeling, using its front page to declaim, "We Are All
"September 11, 2001 will forever be
a timeless memorial to the 2,792 people who died in the World
Trade Center," the Times editorial board wrote. "Now
the Summer of 2003 serves as another memorial, a tragedy which
claimed the lives of nearly 12,000 French citizens."
"Indeed, nature is the worst terrorist
of all," the editorial concluded.
"Man, I think we need to do something
about this, you know?" said Millard McMackey of Thousand
Oaks, Calif., leaving roses at the gates of the French Consulate
General in Los Angeles. "Sure, they're a bunch of surrender
monkeys and disloyal to America a lot, but still we oughta --"
"Yeah, we need to get some air conditioners
into Paris and shit," interrupted Jason Reeves of Long Beach.
Reeves, an air-conditioner salesman, recently founded airconditioninginparis.com
"We need to go and kick the fucking
sun's ass, is what I'm saying, Murican style," McMackey
The New News
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