EDUCATION

Wednesday, August 6, 4:35 AM PST

Geography Program Leaves No Child Behind, Protects National Interests

by Brent "The Duke" Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

WASHINGTON, D.C -- The Department of Education hastily arranged a press conference to announce the successful implementation of George W. Bush's "Geography Education Program."

The program, designed to raise American students' geographical literacy, is the fulfillment of Bush's promise to "leave no child behind" in the educational morass that has afflicted the nation since President Ronald Reagan took office over 20 years ago.

"As we invade nation after nation, America's children are learning the names of all sorts of places, like Kabul, Tikrit and Monrovia," said Education Secretary Rod Paige. "Some can even tell you which continent they're on."

"And the best part? It educates American adults as well," Paige continued. "That's a democratic education to be proud of. Gold star, citizens!"

Before the invasion of Iraq, only 13 percent of young adults could locate the country on a map. Today, nearly 15 percent can do so.

Bush wasn't shy about taking credit for the program's success.

"I said I was gonna not leave no children behind, and I'm not gonna leave no children behind cause I said I was gonna not leave no children behind," Bush explained.

"This here program is so successful, we're already decisionating on which muslamic country we gonna take over next," he added. "Cause uhhh... you know, Muricah's gotta protect it's inerests."

The nation's children appeared less impressed with GEP's results.

"Monroviwhat?" they asked in response to questions.

 

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