6, 4:35 AM PST
Geography Program Leaves No Child Behind,
Protects National Interests
by Brent "The Duke"
D.C -- The Department of Education hastily arranged a press
conference to announce the successful implementation of George
W. Bush's "Geography Education Program."
The program, designed to raise American
students' geographical literacy, is the fulfillment of Bush's
promise to "leave no child behind" in the educational
morass that has afflicted the nation since President Ronald Reagan
took office over 20 years ago.
"As we invade nation after nation,
America's children are learning the names of all sorts of places,
like Kabul, Tikrit and Monrovia," said Education Secretary
Rod Paige. "Some can even tell you which continent they're
"And the best part? It educates American
adults as well," Paige continued. "That's a democratic
education to be proud of. Gold star, citizens!"
Before the invasion of Iraq, only 13 percent
of young adults could locate the country on a map. Today, nearly
15 percent can do so.
Bush wasn't shy about taking credit for
the program's success.
"I said I was gonna not leave no children
behind, and I'm not gonna leave no children behind cause I said
I was gonna not leave no children behind," Bush explained.
"This here program is so successful,
we're already decisionating on which muslamic country we gonna
take over next," he added. "Cause uhhh... you know,
Muricah's gotta protect it's inerests."
The nation's children appeared less impressed
with GEP's results.
"Monroviwhat?" they asked in
response to questions.
The New News
| No Apologies! Press
Copyright © 2003, No Apologies!