Tuesday, Feb. 24, 1:56 PM PST

Spider-Man Fans to Boycott Gibson's "Passion of Christ"

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

BRISBANE, Australia -- Already reeling from the reaction of Jews offended by his father's comments regarding the Holocaust, Mel Gibson was dealt yet another public-relations setback when news broke that his cousin, 16-year-old Peter Gibson, believes that Spider-Man really was a clone for 20 years.

"I don't know, I just think Spidey's been acting... different... these last couple years, is all," the comicbook fan allegedly said two days ago. "Maybe he's not who we think he is."

Spider-Man fans, AKA "webheads," published a response yesterday.

"We, the undersigned webheads of the world, shall not tolerate the exhibition, pontification nor publication of the ignorant and disingenuous beliefs and/or opinions of a famous movie actor and director to go unchallenged, even if that man's cousin did play the role of post-apocalyptic hero Mad Max in the mostly ignored and extremely underrated Mad Max film trilogy. Indeed, we shall meet said dubious and deplorable statements upon the field of battle, and hereby declare that all true webheads shall boycott -- yes, boycott -- Mel Gibson's film 'The Passion of Christ,' which most likely is not of interest to us webheads anyway since neither Spider-Man nor Mad Max make an appearance."

Although only signed by only six fans who found the statement taped to the crusty counter of McGew's comicbook store, it's expected to receive millions of signatures by end of day.

"Maximum Clonage," a 1995 Spider-Man storyline which indicated that the famous webcrawler was replaced by a clone after a brawl published in 1975, engendered such outrage among comicbook enthusiasts that many normal people feared they'd leave their dank, dark bedrooms and brave the light of day to march on Marvel Comics.

But Marvel quickly appeased their hotblooded-thus-sweaty readership by revealing that the alleged clone was really the original Spider-Man, and that the original Spider-Man was the copycat. Or something like that.

The matter appeared settled until Peter Gibson -- Mel Gibson's third cousin once removed -- made his comment while shopping at McGew's store, A Bad Hobbit to Break.

"You sir, are an ignoramus of the highest order," McGew replied. "Not only is the current Spider-Man not a clone, but let me set you straight regarding the death of Gwen Stacy, the beloved blond girlfriend of Peter Parker and myself. In fact, she did not proceed to Death's abode, but..."

McGew subsequently launched into his three-hour-long exegesis, lower lip quivering throughout.

When news broke of his cousin's contentious comments, Mel Gibson wept, moaning, "Why do you challenge me so, Lord?"

"The Jews are one thing, but comicbook fans are a whole 'nother level," Gibson's publicist Madeline Gorsht revealed, sighing with abject defeat.

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