24, 1:56 PM PST
Spider-Man Fans to Boycott Gibson's "Passion
BRISBANE, Australia -- Already reeling from the reaction
of Jews offended by his father's comments regarding the Holocaust,
Mel Gibson was dealt yet another public-relations setback when
news broke that his cousin, 16-year-old Peter Gibson, believes
that Spider-Man really was a clone for 20 years.
"I don't know, I just think
Spidey's been acting... different... these last couple years,
is all," the comicbook fan allegedly said two days ago.
"Maybe he's not who we think he is."
Spider-Man fans, AKA "webheads,"
published a response yesterday.
the undersigned webheads of the world, shall not tolerate the
exhibition, pontification nor publication of the ignorant and
disingenuous beliefs and/or opinions of a famous movie actor
and director to go unchallenged, even if that man's cousin did
play the role of post-apocalyptic hero Mad Max in the mostly
ignored and extremely underrated Mad Max film trilogy. Indeed,
we shall meet said dubious and deplorable statements upon the
field of battle, and hereby declare that all true webheads shall
boycott -- yes, boycott -- Mel Gibson's film 'The Passion of
Christ,' which most likely is not of interest to us webheads
anyway since neither Spider-Man nor Mad Max make an appearance."
Although only signed by only
six fans who found the statement taped to the crusty counter
of McGew's comicbook store, it's expected to receive millions
of signatures by end of day.
a 1995 Spider-Man storyline which indicated that the famous webcrawler
was replaced by a clone after a brawl published in 1975, engendered
such outrage among comicbook enthusiasts that many normal people
feared they'd leave their dank, dark bedrooms and brave the light
of day to march on Marvel Comics.
But Marvel quickly appeased their
hotblooded-thus-sweaty readership by revealing that the alleged
clone was really the original Spider-Man, and that the original
Spider-Man was the copycat. Or something like that.
The matter appeared settled until
Peter Gibson -- Mel Gibson's third cousin once removed -- made
his comment while shopping at McGew's store, A Bad Hobbit to
"You sir, are an ignoramus
of the highest order," McGew replied. "Not only is
the current Spider-Man not a clone, but let me set you
straight regarding the death of Gwen Stacy, the beloved blond
girlfriend of Peter Parker and myself. In fact, she did not proceed
to Death's abode, but..."
McGew subsequently launched into
his three-hour-long exegesis, lower lip quivering throughout.
When news broke of his cousin's
contentious comments, Mel Gibson wept, moaning, "Why do
you challenge me so, Lord?"
"The Jews are one thing,
but comicbook fans are a whole 'nother level," Gibson's
publicist Madeline Gorsht revealed, sighing with abject defeat.
(no registration required)
The New News
| No Apologies! Press
Copyright © 2004, No Apologies!