23, 8:37 PM EST
Post-War Protester Commits Injuricide
by Cappy Ahab,
GIRARDEAU, MO -- LeAnne Ferriwether, 44, committed injuricide
this morning outside the Common Pleas Courthouse in downtown
Cape Girardeau, in front of a crowd of two or three onlookers.
The welt-sized injury was self-inflicted
on the Ferriwether's forearm using a starter's pistol loaded
with art-gum eraser fragments.
"This for all the Iraqi children who
didn't have the chance to suffer during this would-be holocaust,
but would have had the Iraqi army even pretended to be resistant
to the foreign infidel," a visibily shaken Ferriwether said.
"I can't believe they bought all that
right-wing 'liberation' rhetoric. That's our word," she
"How was I supposed to know that Hussein
was so universally despised?" she continued to add.
"And I can't believe all these Iraqi
Americans celebrating in our cities' streets and blocking traffic.
What a bunch of amateurs."
When asked if she learned any valuable
lessons throughout her ordeal, Ferriwether responded quickly.
"Yes, next time I'm backing a more
popular despot with a way better army."
Ferriwether, a distant relative of local
radio legend Rush Limbaugh, is a semi-professional activist representing
the Peace/Animal Rights/Pro-U.N./Anti-Trade/Gay-Lesbian-Transgender
Rights/Gun Control/Environmental/Pro-Choice movements in the
greater Cape Girardeau area.
She is expected to make a full recovery.
The New News
| No Apologies! Press
Copyright © 2003, No Apologies!