Wednesday, April 23, 8:37 PM EST

Post-War Protester Commits Injuricide

by Cappy Ahab,
NA!P NewsWire

CAPE GIRARDEAU, MO -- LeAnne Ferriwether, 44, committed injuricide this morning outside the Common Pleas Courthouse in downtown Cape Girardeau, in front of a crowd of two or three onlookers.

The welt-sized injury was self-inflicted on the Ferriwether's forearm using a starter's pistol loaded with art-gum eraser fragments.

"This for all the Iraqi children who didn't have the chance to suffer during this would-be holocaust, but would have had the Iraqi army even pretended to be resistant to the foreign infidel," a visibily shaken Ferriwether said.

"I can't believe they bought all that right-wing 'liberation' rhetoric. That's our word," she added.

"How was I supposed to know that Hussein was so universally despised?" she continued to add.

"And I can't believe all these Iraqi Americans celebrating in our cities' streets and blocking traffic. What a bunch of amateurs."

When asked if she learned any valuable lessons throughout her ordeal, Ferriwether responded quickly.

"Yes, next time I'm backing a more popular despot with a way better army."

Ferriwether, a distant relative of local radio legend Rush Limbaugh, is a semi-professional activist representing the Peace/Animal Rights/Pro-U.N./Anti-Trade/Gay-Lesbian-Transgender Rights/Gun Control/Environmental/Pro-Choice movements in the greater Cape Girardeau area.

She is expected to make a full recovery.


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