Tuesday, Feb. 3, 1:09 PM PST

Invisible Man Found Dead, Visible

by Cappy Ahab,
NA!P NewsWire

MINOT, ND -- The now-visible corpse of an unidentified invisible man was discovered in a large drift outside the International Snowmobile Speedway and Dairy Queen early Thursday morning. According to police reports, the middle-aged man was lying face down next to an empty bottle of mysterious serum.

"Although no bullet wounds were found on the body, multiple gunshot blasts to the back are the suspected cause of death," said Sgt. Herbert "Paul" Waldorf, spokesman for the Minot Police Department.

"It is obvious that the wounds closed as the dying man slowly became visible," he added.

Little else is known about the victim, except that he appeared to be employed as a mad scientist, as evidenced by his scraggly beard and bloodshot eyes. A nearby shopping cart filled with a variety of aluminum beverage cans, empty pickle tubs and plastic shopping bags was sent to a laboratory in Fargo for tests. Results are pending.

While local activists continue to pursue a hypothesis that the man was, in fact, a homeless vagrant who died of exposure, starvation or liver failure, police denied that possibility.

"Are you kidding?" said Officer Jerry Bebpsi, one of the first officers on the scene. "What kind of idiot would try to live homeless in Minot? Florida is amazing this time of year!"

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