Sunday, Jan. 25,
1:59 AM PST
Right-Leaning Pope Now Bends Left
by Tucker
H. Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire
VATICAN CITY -- The Vatican today experienced a minor
miracle regarding Pope John-Paul II's health, according spokesman
Monsignor Ferdinand Valavos: The pontiff, whose body for years
has been bending to the right, now leans to the left.
"As
the world is well aware, the pope has suffered from debilitating
Parkinson's Disease for years," Valavos said.
"The disease has caused
the Pope's health to deteriorate rapidly as of late and had caused
him to have, what we thought, was a permanent tilt to the right.
Now we are happy to say that his body no longer hangs to the
right, but to the left. It is truly a miracle."
The Pope did not specifically
mention the miracle during his weekly address, but he was clearly
seen to be listing towards the portside of his wheel chair. The
leaning almost tipped the chair over to the left, instead of
the usual right.
During the address, the pontiff
did make a vague reference to his surprising change in health.
"mumble murmur mumble mumble
murmur," the Pope told a packed sanctuary filled with priests
and pilgrims alike. "murmur murmur murmur mumble
murmur mumble mumble."
(For a complete text of the pope's
address, click here.)
Catholics attending the address
hailed the miracle as another sign of God's love for the pope
and the Catholic Church.
"It truly is a miracle,"
said Carmen Sanchez of Madrid to anyone who would listen. "For
years, we have only been able to see the left side of the Pope's
face. Now, by the grace of God, we can see the right. It
is a great day! It is a miracle! Who knew
that the right side of his face could look so beautiful? It's
just like Beavis."
Whether the minor miracle may
be sufficient to elevate John Paul II to sainthood one day remains
to be seen, though lesser miracles have made other human beings
into such demi-gods.
There was no word whether the
pope's change in angle would affect his conservative, backward
ideology.
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