ENTERTAINMENT

Tuesday, October 21, 3:00 PM PST

Sosa, Corky to Star in New "Law & Order" Series

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

HOLLYWOOD -- After months of speculation, NBC has announced that it will launch a fourth show based on its "Law & Order" franchise, tentatively entitled "Law & Order: Athlete Abuse."

Starring Chicago Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa and Chris "Corky" Burke of "Life Goes On" fame, the show will probably be a mid-season replacement for the rarely watched program, "Third Watch."

Sosa and Corky will play emotionally on-edge detectives who fight the unending war against renegade sportsmen who take advantage of their popularity to break the law.

"It's a hard-hitting examination of the shadowy world of superstar athletes who abuse the rules, abuse their bodies, abuse their spouses -- and subsequently abuse society," announced Dick Wolf, the creator and producer of the popular series of shows, at a press conference.

"Of course, all the stories will be based on true-life accounts," Wolf added.

"I am very happy to be playing on TV a detective," said Sosa, who was in attendance. "I am very happy to play for America a good guy. Thank you America, thank you TV, this opportunity for my dreams to pursue."

OBVIOUS QUESTIONS RAISED
However, many sports writers find it strange that Sosa -- widely suspected of being steroid user and wife beater himself -- would be cast in such a role.

Plus, umpires caught Sosa using an illegally corked bat in a game last summer, which has put him in the running for ESPN's "Most Likely to Cheat" 2003 Espy Award.

"We call it 'dramatic tension,' you see," Wolf answered. "We think Sosa's got a lot of problems to work through, and if he can work through them on 'Athlete Abuse,' then that's all the sweeter."

"AAAGH! I YOU KILL!" Sosa interrupted, sweat pouring into his shifting, beady eyes.

"You see?" Wolf said. "It's a win-win."

RETARD THE KEY
The "dramatic tension" will only be intensified with the presence of the ever-lovable, calming presence of Corky, who will play the "good cop" to Sosa's "bad cop."

"We're hoping that Sosa kinda loses it while on the set," Wolf said.

"Maybe he'll beat the shit out of that week's extra playing some athlete who hasn't been caught using a corked bat, or has a face that hasn't been deformed by steroids, or hasn't been seen punching his wife in the mug after losing a game."

"Then hopefully, Corky will bawl, and the two of them will have to work through their differences," Wolf said. "That, my friends, is dramatic tension."

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