Monday, July 14,
1:45 AM PST
"League" Crushes "Pirates";
by Brent "The Duke"
HOLLYWOOD -- A last-minute
rally earned 20th Century-Fox's "League of Extraordinary
Assholes" $46.5 million this weekend, assuring it the No.
1 slot at the box office.
The film -- featuring the adventures of
George Bush and his wacky gang of right-wing reactionaries in
the Middle East -- had a slow start, trailing the $46.4 million
that Disney's "Pirates of the Caribbean" had earned
by more than $20 million at one point.
A late surge in Florida on Sunday, however,
accounted for the unprecedented ticket sales.
"Dude, I totally went to see it, like,
you know, like ten times," said Alejandro Flaco, 23, of
"Bush has some sweet one-liners,"
insisted Yelina Marino, 29, also of Miami. "Like when he
said, 'An -- uh -- And the g-game is er uhmmmm... on?' SWEET!"
Walt Disney Co. is demanding a recount
of ticket receipts.
"There is no way that that
movie overcame a $20-million deficit and passed 'Pirates,'"
said Disney President Michael Eisner.
"I mean, that casting was crap,"
he continued. "How in the hell could any one suspend their
disbelief with the likes of Bush and Rumsfeld running around,
acting like they're God's gift? I'll tell you what -- that part
when Bush went and said that the U.S. didn't go to war over WMDs?
I just laughed and demanded my money back."
Eisner added, "Besides, we had Johnny
Depp. That dude's a hottie. Case closed!"
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