Monday, Nov. 10, 1:02 PM PST

Prince's Secret Revealed: "I Loved Matrix Revolutions"

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

LONDON -- Prince Charles finally revealed the developing secret scandal that has dogged him in recent days: He really, really liked The Matrix Revolutions.

"Everyone keeps saying how terrible and disappointing the third movie is, but honestly, I thought it quite nice," admitted the prince at a press conference.

When asked if he "really loved" the film, Charles replied, "That may be going a bit too far, though it was great fun."

The royal admission is somewhat of a downer, because the prince had initially declared he was innocent of an alleged scandal, without actually explaining what the scandal was. Details were kept to a minimum by court order.

Nevertheless, the Internet abounded with speculations of the Prince's activities, ranging from a gay love tryst with an aide, to organizing the murder of Martin Luther King, Jr. in 1968.

While Buckingham Palace is breathing a sigh of relief tonight, reactions from the prince's future subjects were mixed.

"Wot? I thought maybe the prince had raped a dog. At least that would be a traditional European-royalty thing to do, right?" declared Becky Hamingsforth of Leeds.

"It's too bad, really -- nothing like a good blue-blood scandal to keep things interesting," she added.

Others were much more vocal about their disappointment with Prince Charles, including Maxwell Johnston, founder of the UK chapter of The Church of The Matrix, a fan club that has denounced the follow-up films as "heretical."

"It is outrageous, absolutely outrageous, that the future king of the English, Welsh and Scottish peoples should embrace the abomination that is The Matrix Revolutions," Johnston declared in a written statement.

Johnston also indicated he would encourage the 11 members of his club to become anti-monarchists.

"Well, we're just happy somebody liked it," said Matrix co-creator Andy Wachowski upon hearing the news. Both the critics and fans have panned the third Matrix movie worldwide.

"Everyone was thinking that the next two installments were going to show them how to live their sad, pathetic lives or something, when all we wanted to do was make a good action flick."

But the film has at least one other fan -- on the other side of the Atlantic, George W. Bush has decreed that all Americans have to see The Matrix Revolutions at least three times.

"We were real worried that the first Matrix film would make Americans restless and agitated, because it was basically a metaphor for the system most of them live within," said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan.

"But this latest flick is superhero hi-jinks that all Americans can be proud of."

Comment in the forum
(no registration required)

Iraqis Declare "Democracy Best!" After Watching MTV Video Awards

Elizabeth Smart's Parents: "We Are Not Pimps"

Matrix Revolutions Declared a Partial-Birth Abortion (Confusion Road)

The New News | No Apologies! Press

Copyright © 2003, No Apologies! Press