Monday, Nov. 10,
1:02 PM PST
Prince's Secret Revealed: "I Loved
LONDON -- Prince
Charles finally revealed the developing secret scandal that has
dogged him in recent days: He really, really liked The Matrix
"Everyone keeps saying how terrible
and disappointing the third movie is, but honestly, I thought
it quite nice," admitted the prince at a press conference.
asked if he "really loved" the film, Charles replied,
"That may be going a bit too far, though it was great fun."
The royal admission is somewhat of a downer,
because the prince had initially declared he was innocent of
an alleged scandal, without actually explaining what the scandal
was. Details were kept to a minimum by court order.
Nevertheless, the Internet abounded with
speculations of the Prince's activities, ranging from a gay love
tryst with an aide, to organizing the murder of Martin Luther
King, Jr. in 1968.
While Buckingham Palace is breathing a
sigh of relief tonight, reactions from the prince's future subjects
"Wot? I thought maybe the prince had
raped a dog. At least that would be a traditional European-royalty
thing to do, right?" declared Becky Hamingsforth of Leeds.
"It's too bad, really -- nothing like
a good blue-blood scandal to keep things interesting," she
Others were much more vocal about their
disappointment with Prince Charles, including Maxwell Johnston,
founder of the UK chapter of The Church of The Matrix, a fan
club that has denounced the follow-up films as "heretical."
"It is outrageous, absolutely outrageous,
that the future king of the English, Welsh and Scottish peoples
should embrace the abomination that is The Matrix Revolutions,"
Johnston declared in a written statement.
Johnston also indicated he would encourage
the 11 members of his club to become anti-monarchists.
"Well, we're just happy somebody
liked it," said Matrix co-creator Andy Wachowski upon hearing
the news. Both the critics and fans have panned the third Matrix
"Everyone was thinking that the next
two installments were going to show them how to live their sad,
pathetic lives or something, when all we wanted to do was make
a good action flick."
But the film has at least one other fan
-- on the other side of the Atlantic, George W. Bush has decreed
that all Americans have to see The Matrix Revolutions at least
"We were real worried that the first
Matrix film would make Americans restless and agitated, because
it was basically a metaphor for the system most of them live
within," said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan.
"But this latest flick is superhero
hi-jinks that all Americans can be proud of."
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