Thursday, May 31, 10:09 PM EST

Republicans to Sue Citizens Over Instant-Messaging System

by Brent "The Duke" Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In front of a backdrop reading "Stop Stealing," the GOP today announced it would file suit in federal court against United States citizens who infringed upon its patented Television Text Messaging (TTM) system.

Citizen groups such as Earth Peace Now! (EPN) -- an activist organization that continues to protest the American occupation of Iraq -- are calling the action a stifling of dissent as well as a violation of free-speech protections.

"They just hate seeing our 'USA Out of Iraq' signs on TV," complained EPN Director Neville James.

But liberals, protestors and activists may face an uphill battle -- the Bush Administration has used the instant-messaging system several times to display one-liners such as "Strengthening Our Economy," "Corporate Responsibility" and "Mission Accomplished" during several televised Bush appearances.

If the polls are any indication, they're a hit with the public -- and what works for conservative messaging may just work for liberals as well.

"Text on TV Is Mine"
Invented by Special Advisor to the President Karl Rove, the Republican text-messaging system is designed to communicate with people too stupid to understand what's actually being said on television.

"People aren't paying attention, so if you don't get those couple words in, no one's going to know what you're talking about," Rove said. "Our text messaging makes the average idiot feel like they know what's going on, even if they don't."

"But hey, who cares if an idiot actually understands anything -- his vote is as good as the smart guy's, and in this country, that's a lot of votes."

Asked if he thought that the actual display of text on television constituted infringement, Rove smiled. "Look, I know you're going to point out Vietnam-era protesters carrying 'Make Love, Not War' signs, and that we've all seen them on television."

"The difference, however, is that those signs were often decorated with flowers and some Y-in-a-circle symbol, which makes them works of art," Rove explained.

Asked if he would pursue television networks, studios and advertisers, Rove said, "Not unless they step out of line. Except Sesame Street. They are dead."




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