31, 10:09 PM EST
Republicans to Sue Citizens Over Instant-Messaging
by Brent "The Duke"
WASHINGTON, D.C. --
In front of a backdrop reading "Stop Stealing," the
GOP today announced it would file suit in federal court against
United States citizens who infringed upon its patented Television
Text Messaging (TTM) system.
Citizen groups such as Earth Peace Now! (EPN) --
an activist organization that continues to protest the American
occupation of Iraq -- are calling the action a stifling of dissent
as well as a violation of free-speech protections.
"They just hate seeing our 'USA Out
of Iraq' signs on TV," complained EPN Director Neville James.
But liberals, protestors
and activists may face an uphill battle -- the Bush Administration
has used the instant-messaging system several times to display
one-liners such as "Strengthening Our Economy," "Corporate
Responsibility" and "Mission Accomplished" during
several televised Bush appearances.
If the polls are any indication,
they're a hit with the public -- and what works for conservative
messaging may just work for liberals as well.
"Text on TV Is Mine"
Invented by Special Advisor to the President Karl Rove, the Republican
text-messaging system is designed to communicate with people
too stupid to understand what's actually being said on television.
aren't paying attention, so if you don't get those couple words
in, no one's going to know what you're talking about," Rove
said. "Our text messaging makes the average idiot feel like
they know what's going on, even if they don't."
"But hey, who cares if an idiot actually
understands anything -- his vote is as good as the smart guy's,
and in this country, that's a lot of votes."
Asked if he thought that the actual display
of text on television constituted infringement, Rove smiled.
"Look, I know you're going to point out Vietnam-era protesters
carrying 'Make Love, Not War' signs, and that we've all seen
them on television."
"The difference, however, is that
those signs were often decorated with flowers and some Y-in-a-circle
symbol, which makes them works of art," Rove explained.
Asked if he would pursue television networks,
studios and advertisers, Rove said, "Not unless they step
out of line. Except Sesame Street. They are dead."
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