11, 11:21 AM PST
Latest Microsoft Software Flaw Casts Votes
REDMOND, Wash. -- Microsoft Corporation released yet
another downloadable "critical updates" patch today
after it was discovered that users of its popular Microsoft Office
products were inadvertently casting votes for George W. Bush
every time they hit the "enter" key.
products affected -- Outlook, Outlook With Business Manager,
Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Access and Publisher -- are used approximately
2.4 billion times every work day in America.
"Everyone who does not want
to vote for Mr. Bush in the upcoming presidential election every
time they strike the enter key should consider not using the
enter key until they download the patch," said Microsoft
CEO Steve Ballmer.
Ballmer, appearing extremely
exhausted, confirmed that Microsoft engineers had identified
how an anonymous hacker created the vote-stuffing flaw, but refused
to confirm internal Microsoft reports that the hacker simply
typed the words "Every time someone hits 'enter,' cast vote
for George W. Bush in 2004 election" into a Word document.
The White House refused to comment,
but many Bush staff members were observed tapping at their keyboards
continuously for several hours yesterday.
Some Americans didn't seem too
concerned with Microsoft's announcement.
"What, another critical
update?" Preston Daniels said sarcastically upon starting
up his computer yesterday morning at his desk in ViaLink in San
"Who'dathunkit? Wonder what
they'll have for me this afternoon."
Despite Daniels' reaction, no
other Microsoft update has ever been downloaded as heavily as
the current patch. The software giant also reported that, throughout
the nation, the majority of Word documents created yesterday
were a single, unbroken paragraph.
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