SELECTION 2004

Thursday, March 11, 11:21 AM PST

Latest Microsoft Software Flaw Casts Votes for Bush

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

REDMOND, Wash. -- Microsoft Corporation released yet another downloadable "critical updates" patch today after it was discovered that users of its popular Microsoft Office products were inadvertently casting votes for George W. Bush every time they hit the "enter" key.

The products affected -- Outlook, Outlook With Business Manager, Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Access and Publisher -- are used approximately 2.4 billion times every work day in America.

"Everyone who does not want to vote for Mr. Bush in the upcoming presidential election every time they strike the enter key should consider not using the enter key until they download the patch," said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer.

Ballmer, appearing extremely exhausted, confirmed that Microsoft engineers had identified how an anonymous hacker created the vote-stuffing flaw, but refused to confirm internal Microsoft reports that the hacker simply typed the words "Every time someone hits 'enter,' cast vote for George W. Bush in 2004 election" into a Word document.

The White House refused to comment, but many Bush staff members were observed tapping at their keyboards continuously for several hours yesterday.

Some Americans didn't seem too concerned with Microsoft's announcement.

"What, another critical update?" Preston Daniels said sarcastically upon starting up his computer yesterday morning at his desk in ViaLink in San Francisco.

"Who'dathunkit? Wonder what they'll have for me this afternoon."

Despite Daniels' reaction, no other Microsoft update has ever been downloaded as heavily as the current patch. The software giant also reported that, throughout the nation, the majority of Word documents created yesterday were a single, unbroken paragraph.

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