ROCK IRAQ COVERAGE
14, 2:02 PM EST
Recap: All the News That Was Fit to Miss
by Cappy Ahab,
-- A number of minor news events were not covered during Gulf
War II, due in part to the sensational but woefully overreported
"Armless Iraqi Orphan" 48-hour marathon coverage during
Here is what most Americans missed:
- Pope John Paul II declared himself "fundamentally
fallible" after mistaking Michelangelo's statue of David
for an excitable Lutheran.
- Al Gore was declared the winner of the
2000 Presidential election by several leading policy wonks, including
Eddie Vedder, Tony Randall and a Dixie Chick.
- New Mexico seceded from the Union, citing
the "No one pays us any mind around here!" clause of
the New Mexican Constitution.
- In Ashland City, Tennessee, notorious
car bomber Sirhan Bistro was slain by local authorities for driving
a Saab "very ostentatiously."
- Air Force One was hijacked by international
terrorists. Harrison Ford was unharmed.
- The U.S. Senate forgave Senator Trent
Lott's student loan debt by transferring it to Tom Daschle's
- The Lego corporation partnered with Nintendo
to produce VirtualLegosX, a 3-D first-person video game where
the object is to rake through a pile of plastic bits to find
that freaky looking upside-down yellow slopey thing with ridges
on the back. Also, half-naked prostitutes are featured. Rated
M for drawing the attention of underage boys with disposable
- The Lord of the Rings/X-Men crossover
film grossed more than Titanic and Pluto Nash combined.
- France invaded Paris and lost.
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