14, 11:38 AM PST
Iraq: "No One Ever Told Us Major
Hostilities Were Over"
TIKRIT, IRAQ -- Months
of speculation as to why Iraqi militants continue to fight on
-- long after George W. Bush declared hostilities over -- were
answered today, when an Iraqi "resistance fighter"
announced that America had never told him to stop resisting.
"Bush, he say this thing?" wondered
Faji Odadi, who has led a small band of armed militants against
what he called "colonial occupiers."
"This, I do not know!" Odadi
continued. "Had someone told me, we would not be shooting
and bombing the occupiers all this time."
Several of Odadi's fighters nodded in agreement.
"Yes, yes," said Faruk Azamad.
"We would be like French if someone just tell us to be like
French and we give up fight with American occupiers, yes."
White House, however, disputed the Iraqis' statements.
"There's no way them Iraqis didn't
know the war was over," Press Secretary Scott MeClellan
said. "Everyone in the world saw Bush tell the world that
we'd beaten the fight out of them damn Iraqis."
Bush declared an end to major hostilities
in Iraq -- after just 43 days -- from the deck of the carrier,
U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln, on May 1.
When asked if someone had provided a translated
version of Bush's speech to the Iraqis, McClellan blinked several
times before answering.
"Uh, well, if you just look at the
banner, it says 'Mission Accomplished.' How do you miss that?
You tell me. I don't think you do," McClellan said.
SURRENDER AN OPTION
A common misperception among Americans is that Iraqis don't understand
the rules of civilized warfare, which state that if an American
invasion force tells you to stop fighting, you do.
"Oh, no no no no no," said another
fighter, Izzat Mohammed, who speaks English fluently.
"I know -- everyone knows! -- that
if America tells me to stand down and let my country be occupied
by infidel Christians, you bet your ass I do."
Most Iraqi resistance fighters agree, despite
the daily death of innocent Iraqis driving home, walking down
the street or looking in the wrong direction.
"It is tragic, it really is,"
said Ali Ibrahim, through a translator. "Most of the time,
when you see foreign soldiers in your country, shooting your
people, it's war! It's time to fight like a patriot!"
"But it's different when that enemy
is America," Ibrahim added quickly.
"I just wish someone would have bothered
to tell us," said Mohammed. "I'm ready to eat some
Mickey D's, dawg."
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