INTERNATIONAL

Tuesday, October 14, 11:38 AM PST

Iraq: "No One Ever Told Us Major Hostilities Were Over"

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

TIKRIT, IRAQ -- Months of speculation as to why Iraqi militants continue to fight on -- long after George W. Bush declared hostilities over -- were answered today, when an Iraqi "resistance fighter" announced that America had never told him to stop resisting.

"Bush, he say this thing?" wondered Faji Odadi, who has led a small band of armed militants against what he called "colonial occupiers."

"This, I do not know!" Odadi continued. "Had someone told me, we would not be shooting and bombing the occupiers all this time."

Several of Odadi's fighters nodded in agreement.

"Yes, yes," said Faruk Azamad. "We would be like French if someone just tell us to be like French and we give up fight with American occupiers, yes."

The White House, however, disputed the Iraqis' statements.

"There's no way them Iraqis didn't know the war was over," Press Secretary Scott MeClellan said. "Everyone in the world saw Bush tell the world that we'd beaten the fight out of them damn Iraqis."

Bush declared an end to major hostilities in Iraq -- after just 43 days -- from the deck of the carrier, U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln, on May 1.

When asked if someone had provided a translated version of Bush's speech to the Iraqis, McClellan blinked several times before answering.

"Uh, well, if you just look at the banner, it says 'Mission Accomplished.' How do you miss that? You tell me. I don't think you do," McClellan said.

SURRENDER AN OPTION
A common misperception among Americans is that Iraqis don't understand the rules of civilized warfare, which state that if an American invasion force tells you to stop fighting, you do.

"Oh, no no no no no," said another fighter, Izzat Mohammed, who speaks English fluently.

"I know -- everyone knows! -- that if America tells me to stand down and let my country be occupied by infidel Christians, you bet your ass I do."

Most Iraqi resistance fighters agree, despite the daily death of innocent Iraqis driving home, walking down the street or looking in the wrong direction.

"It is tragic, it really is," said Ali Ibrahim, through a translator. "Most of the time, when you see foreign soldiers in your country, shooting your people, it's war! It's time to fight like a patriot!"

"But it's different when that enemy is America," Ibrahim added quickly.

"I just wish someone would have bothered to tell us," said Mohammed. "I'm ready to eat some Mickey D's, dawg."

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