Thursday, April 15, 3:12 PM PST

Bush Finally Remembers a Mistake He Made

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The White House called a second press conference today to clarify statements George W. Bush made when commenting on "mistakes" he'd made during a national address last Tuesday.

"After 9/11, what would your biggest mistake be, would you say, and what lessons have learned from it?" a reporter had asked after the address.

"You know, I just -- I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet," Bush had answered.

"Wait, I know," Bush later added. "I ate all the peanuts that one time."

The White House had hoped such statements would show Americans that Bush was a leader, but with polls indicating that 60 percent of the American public remain unconvinced, the administration pulled an all-nighter to rifle through various mistakes with which Bush could "come clean."

"Thank you for coming today," Press Secretary Scott McClellan said. "The president has given much thought to the question posed to him the previous night regarding his mistakes, the answer he gave, and the forthcoming clarification --"

"Is it about invading Iraq without planning for the aftermath?" interrupted one eager reporter.

"No. It concerns --"

"Is Bush admitting that he may have been mistaken to claim Saddam definitely had WMDs when he didn't?" asked another.

"No, of course not, he's sticking with that one for now," McClellan answered. "It's --"

"How about concentrating on a missile defense when the real threat was terrorism, which, at the time, was envisioned being conducted with suitcase nukes and/or biological and/or chemical weapons?" inquired yet another reporter. "Is that the mistake?"

"No, uh, no," McClellan said. "And actually, technically, technically, that mistake occurred before 9/11, right? Let me stress that point -- that mistake occurred before 9/11."

"Is the clarification regarding Mr. Bush's mistake about attacking Iraq in the first place, when in fact the War on Terror had nothing to do with Iraq at all, especially because Saddam was probably instrumental in suppressing terrorist groups in the region?" asked a fourth reporter.

"No! Everyone -- shut up!" McClellan answered. Once the room had settled down, he continued speaking.

"Mr. Bush would like to explain that, while he did actually eat all the peanuts that one time during a key meeting -- which had gone on for several hours, well after lunch time, just to provide some context -- he didn't actually eat all the nuts. The nuts were a mix of peanuts, almonds, cashews, hazelnuts and Brazil nuts. Bush only -- I repeat, only -- ate the peanuts, leaving the rest for Don Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, Dick Cheney and Ugly Rice."

McClellan immediately ammended his comment. "Uh... not Ugly. I mean Condoleezza."

Moments later, McClellan indicated that perhaps hunger had something to do with Wolfowitz, Cheney, Rumsfeld and Rice coming up with "that crazy plan" to invade Iraq in the first place.

"They only had nuts, you see," McClellan said, shrugging.

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