CREEPY CALIFORNIA CRISIS

Thursday, October 9, 6:41 AM PST

Moon Explodes, Davis to Remain in Office Indefinitely

by Cappy Ahab,
NA!P NewsWire

PLACE FORMERLY OCCUPIED BY THE MOON -- For the first time in California history, an election has been nullified due to the spontaneous explosion of the moon.

Out of respect for the night sky's most prominent feature, the stalled tides and sudden and erratic movements of the earth's axis, Governor Gray Davis will lead the state in a moment of silence before declaring the results of the California recall election void.

The governor will also enact martial law and will henceforth be addressed as "El Jefe."

In a similar spirit, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez have halted plans for a mid-season replacement reality series: Who Wants to Marry Two Millionaires? The Really Really Really Real Wedding of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.

However, the two have already begun preproduction on a sequel to Gigli titled 'FleckLo. Some scenes featuring the former moon are being rewritten.

In a statement released Friday, Lopez declared, "In a crazy, mixed-up world, the exploded moon that isn't in the sky will always remind us of the day the moon exploded. But Hollywood must press on. People must go to more movies. Otherwise, the moon exploders win.

"This is why Ben and I have decided to go forward with production of 'Flecklo, a film that truly captures the spirit of America, and stands defiant against those who would blow up planets and stuff."

WHERE'S VENUS?
In other moon explosion-related news, scientists report that apparently Venus imploded about 600 years ago.

When asked why no one knew about this sooner, Dr. Sherman Frye of the New England Observatory of Planets and Other Things in Space replied, "Apparently, Venus is very gassy. We just assumed there was a planet underneath all that fog. Besides, the moon just blew up! Who gives a crap about Venus? Anyone? Show of hands? I thought so."

"Give me a break," Frye added.

In response to the catastrophe, Doctors Without Borders announced that it is scrapping its fledgling "Doctors Without Planets" venture until a suitable replacement for the moon is finalized. Current candidates include Io, Mercury and Canada.

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