9, 6:41 AM PST
Moon Explodes, Davis to Remain in Office
PLACE FORMERLY OCCUPIED BY THE MOON
-- For the first time in California
history, an election has been nullified due to the spontaneous
explosion of the moon.
of respect for the night sky's most prominent feature, the stalled
tides and sudden and erratic movements of the earth's axis, Governor
Gray Davis will lead the state in a moment of silence before
declaring the results of the California recall election void.
The governor will also enact martial law
and will henceforth be addressed as "El Jefe."
In a similar spirit, Ben Affleck and Jennifer
Lopez have halted plans for a mid-season replacement reality
series: Who Wants to Marry Two Millionaires? The Really Really
Really Real Wedding of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.
However, the two have already begun preproduction
on a sequel to Gigli titled 'FleckLo. Some scenes featuring the
former moon are being rewritten.
In a statement released Friday, Lopez declared,
"In a crazy, mixed-up world, the exploded moon that isn't
in the sky will always remind us of the day the moon exploded.
But Hollywood must press on. People must go to more movies. Otherwise,
the moon exploders win.
"This is why Ben and I have decided
to go forward with production of 'Flecklo, a film that truly
captures the spirit of America, and stands defiant against those
who would blow up planets and stuff."
In other moon explosion-related news, scientists report that
apparently Venus imploded about 600 years ago.
When asked why no one knew about this sooner,
Dr. Sherman Frye of the New England Observatory of Planets and
Other Things in Space replied, "Apparently, Venus is very
gassy. We just assumed there was a planet underneath all that
fog. Besides, the moon just blew up! Who gives a crap about Venus?
Anyone? Show of hands? I thought so."
"Give me a break," Frye added.
In response to the catastrophe, Doctors
Without Borders announced that it is scrapping its fledgling
"Doctors Without Planets" venture until a suitable
replacement for the moon is finalized. Current candidates include
Io, Mercury and Canada.
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