5, 8:41 AM PST
Pentagon Releases More "Could-Be
by Brent "The Duke"
WASHINGTON, D.C. --
The Pentagon, hoping to put more pressure on a well-hidden Saddam
Hussein, today released another round of digitally-enhanced photos
of the fugitive Iraqi dictorator.
The manipulated images are meant to provide possible
alternative appearances of Hussein, in case he has bleached his
hair or undergone cosmetic surgery in order to avoid detection.
"We're certain that, at some point,
someone somewhere is going to see one of these faces we made
up and figure out that it's actually Saddam," declared Lieutenant
General Ricardo Sanchez, the senior U.S. commander in Iraq.
An increasingly irate Donald Rumsfeld then
grabbed the microphone from Sanchez.
"And if one of you peons see him,
you let us know -- pronto," ordered the Secretary
This latest round of "might be him"
photos follow up the first set, released last week, which depict
Hussein in various possible guises, such as without a beard or
with gray hair.
The latest set of images tends to emphasize
Hussein's resemblance to liberal Hollywood actors.
"We have credible evidence from several
sources that Hussein may have emigrated to the United States,
infiltrated Hollywood, dispatched a liberal-type pinko thespian,
and resumed said actor's life as his own," said a Pentagon
official, who asked to remain anonymous.
"One should keep in mind that one's
ticket money may be supporting and encouraging Hollywood's...
er, I mean, Iraq's terrorist activities," the source added.
The Pentagon official also noted that a
third round of digitally enhanced photos, due to be released
next week, would target the country-music chick scene.
The New News
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