NATION

Thursday, May 6, 2:22 PM PST

Inbred Redneck Pig-Rapers Shocked, Surprised by U.S. Torture Allegations

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

SOOWEE, W. Va. -- Outrage, grief and reflection seemed to be the order of the day as Americans across the nation were forced to open their eyes to the ugly fact that U.S. soldiers -- most of whom were from backward, rural counties -- tortured and humiliated prisoners of war in Iraq, putting them into the same category as former dictator Saddam Hussein.

While debate rages among average citizens about reinstating the draft -- and thus avoid fielding a military composed mainly of inbred rednecks who don't know what "human rights" means -- many small towns in the Red State Belt were simply shocked to see their buddies on television.

Especially hard hit were the citizens of the tiny town of Soowee. Most of the accused soldiers hail from the tiny, off-the-map Appalachian mountain town.

"Can you believe your livin' eyes?" commented Cletus Miles, squinting as he watched the pictures on television while forcing his prize-winning pig, Anna-Belle, to have sexual intercourse. "Is that there Fannie June?"

"Why, I do declare, that is Fannie June," Bubba Joe Smith -- busy buggering his own sow, Turnip Leaf -- answered.

"Damn shame, damn shame," Miles said. "Fannie June, she done gone off to protect her nation and do us proud, an' instead she's almost fornicating with them there camel-jockeys. Damn -- HERF! -- damn shame. I wonder where -- ANNA-BELLE STOP YER SQUIRMIN' I AIN'T DONE WHICHA YET -- where she done learn to do that?"

"REE! REEEEEEE!" Anna-Belle added.

"Hollywood and that rock-and-roll music," Smith opined, also struggling with his pig. "Or them left-coast commie fags in San Francisco. They all -- OHHHHH YEAH, TURNIP LEAF -- perverted like that."

The surprises kept on coming, however, as yet another soldier from the town -- population 90 -- appeared on TV.

"Oh my livin' Lord!" exclaimed Billy Bob Joe, pointing at the screen long enough for his pig Brad to struggle free from his grasp. "That there's Vern Glen! BRAD, YOU DONE GET BACK HERE, HEAR?!"

"Vern? Man, I went all the way through school with 'im," Miles said as he thrust his hips. "When we done graduated from sixth grade, I done just knowed he'd go on to serve the great state of West Virginia, but I dint think he'd go lookin' at them sand niggers all nekkid and all."

Accusations that Glen had become a Democrat have yet to be confirmed.

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