6, 2:22 PM PST
Inbred Redneck Pig-Rapers Shocked, Surprised
by U.S. Torture Allegations
SOOWEE, W. Va. -- Outrage, grief and reflection seemed
to be the order of the day as Americans across the nation were
forced to open their eyes to the ugly fact that U.S. soldiers
-- most of whom were from backward, rural counties -- tortured
and humiliated prisoners of war in Iraq, putting them into the
same category as former dictator Saddam Hussein.
debate rages among average citizens about reinstating the draft
-- and thus avoid fielding a military composed mainly of inbred
rednecks who don't know what "human rights" means --
many small towns in the Red State Belt were simply shocked to
see their buddies on television.
Especially hard hit were the
citizens of the tiny town of Soowee. Most of the accused soldiers
hail from the tiny, off-the-map Appalachian mountain town.
"Can you believe your livin'
eyes?" commented Cletus Miles, squinting as he watched the
pictures on television while forcing his prize-winning pig, Anna-Belle,
to have sexual intercourse. "Is that there Fannie June?"
"Why, I do declare, that
is Fannie June," Bubba Joe Smith -- busy buggering
his own sow, Turnip Leaf -- answered.
"Damn shame, damn shame,"
Miles said. "Fannie June, she done gone off to protect her
nation and do us proud, an' instead she's almost fornicating
with them there camel-jockeys. Damn -- HERF! -- damn shame. I
wonder where -- ANNA-BELLE STOP YER SQUIRMIN' I AIN'T DONE WHICHA
YET -- where she done learn to do that?"
"REE! REEEEEEE!" Anna-Belle
"Hollywood and that rock-and-roll
music," Smith opined, also struggling with his pig. "Or
them left-coast commie fags in San Francisco. They all -- OHHHHH
YEAH, TURNIP LEAF -- perverted like that."
The surprises kept on coming,
however, as yet another soldier from the town -- population 90
-- appeared on TV.
"Oh my livin' Lord!"
exclaimed Billy Bob Joe, pointing at the screen long enough for
his pig Brad to struggle free from his grasp. "That there's
Vern Glen! BRAD, YOU DONE GET BACK HERE, HEAR?!"
"Vern? Man, I went all the
way through school with 'im," Miles said as he thrust his
hips. "When we done graduated from sixth grade, I done just
knowed he'd go on to serve the great state of West Virginia,
but I dint think he'd go lookin' at them sand niggers all nekkid
Accusations that Glen had become
a Democrat have yet to be confirmed.
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