ENTERTAINMENT

Tuesday, October 28, 1:10 PM PST

Elizabeth Smart's Parents: "We Are Not Pimps"

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

SALT LAKE CITY -- Amid accusations that they are selling their daughter's body and soul for fame and profit, Elizabeth Smart's parents today declared that they were, in fact, not whoring her out.

"A lot of bad people say we're doing a bad thing by writing books, selling movie rights and cutting deals with media outlets," said Ed and Lois Smart, co-authors of Bringing Elizabeth Home: A Journey of Faith and Hope, released today.

"They say we're selling-out my sweet baby for consumption by mainstream Americans who can't resist a good-looking-girl-done-wrong story like this," Ed continued. "We categorically deny these accusations."

"As the person most responsible for signing the deal for the CBS made-for-TV movie, 'The Elizabeth Smart Story' -- which will debut at primetime on Sunday, Nov. 9, so check your local listings -- I can say that, unlike whores and sluts and slatterns, my daughter is getting something out of this transaction other than 60 bucks, a dozen slaps and an STD or two."

Readers interested in purchasing a signed copy of the book may do so by ordering directly from the Smart family at www.Foxy-as-a-Smart.com.

Ed also reported that rumors regarding the lack of interest by the music industry in Elizabeth's new hip-hop album -- tentatively entitled "2 Smart 4 KidNapsters" -- were unfounded.

"The major labels are just waiting for Pepsi to bounce Beyonce as its official pitchwoman before making a move," Ed reported. "Don't worry, Elizabeth fans -- she'll be rocking a city near you sometime soon, dawgs!"

MOTHER DEAREST
Meanwhile, Lois Smart, standing beside a visibily uncomfortable and overly made-up Elizabeth, said that the continuous coverage of their daughter's book and movie by CBS, NBC, ABC and Oprah could only be expected.

"Actually, it isn't Elizabeth's book or movie," Lois said, correcting this reporter. "It's me and Ed's book and movie. We signed the deals, not her."

Lois then revealed that CBS had wanted exclusive rights to Elizabeth Smart and her story. However, the family decided that no one network would pigeonhole their future with a contract.

"Memo to any and all media outlets: If you put up the dough, Elizabeth will show," Lois continued. "And if your really put up the dough..."

Lois left the sentence hanging in the air, simply winking when asked what she meant.

"Mother!" Elizabeth complained, which led to a loud, reverberating slap that left a livid, cherry-red handprint on her cheek.

"Don't you mouth off at me, missy!" Lois screamed as her daughter wept. "We haven't put up with all your fucking bullshit all these fucking years just to have you fucking ruin it for the rest of us!"

"I just want a normal teenager's life," Elizabeth whispered.

"And hike up your skirt," Lois continued. "America wants to see some tail!"

 

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