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Sunday, Jan. 25, 1:59 AM PST

Right-Leaning Pope Now Bends Left

by Tucker H. Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

VATICAN CITY -- The Vatican today experienced a minor miracle regarding Pope John-Paul II's health, according spokesman Monsignor Ferdinand Valavos: The pontiff, whose body for years has been bending to the right, now leans to the left.  

"As the world is well aware, the pope has suffered from debilitating Parkinson's Disease for years," Valavos said.  

"The disease has caused the pope's health to deteriorate rapidly as of late and had caused him to have, what we thought, was a permanent tilt to the right. Now we are happy to say that his body no longer hangs to the right, but to the left. It is truly a miracle."

The pope did not specifically mention the miracle during his weekly address, but he was clearly seen to be listing towards the portside of his wheel chair. The leaning almost tipped the chair over to the left, instead of the usual right.

During the address, the pontiff did make a vague reference to his surprising change in health.

"mumble murmur mumble mumble murmur," the pope told a packed sanctuary filled with priests and pilgrims alike.  "murmur murmur murmur mumble murmur mumble mumble."  

(For a complete text of the pope's address, click here.)

Catholics attending the address hailed the miracle as another sign of God's love for the pope and the Catholic Church.

"It truly is a miracle," said Carmen Sanchez of Madrid to anyone who would listen.  "For years, we have only been able to see the left side of the pope's face.  Now, by the grace of God, we can see the right.  It is a great day!  It is a miracle!  Who knew that the right side of his face could look so beautiful? It's just like Beavis."

Whether the minor miracle may be sufficient to elevate John Paul II to sainthood one day remains to be seen, though lesser miracles have made other human beings into such demi-gods.

There was no word whether the pope's change in angle would affect his conservative, backward ideology.

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