18, 2:12 PM PST
Protesters Protest Protesting of Protesters
PORTLAND -- Protesters who gathered together in
the City of Rose's downtown to protest have found themselves
in a bit of a pickle, because they now find themselves protesting
the protest of protesters who are protesting their protest.
"Look man, I don't even
know now," said Patrick Pauling, 38, of Pittsburgh.
I know is we came here to protest, then others came to protest
our protest, then still others came to protest their protest,
and for some reason, we're protesting the protesters who are
protesting the protesters who are protesting our protest -- except
they really don't have anything to protest because our protest
is really a protest for them, not against them. Even though our
original protest was a protest for them, too. They just don't
get it. But that's what a protest is, right? To protest against
a bad thing, not just for the protesters, but for people who
don't protest, as well as for the protesters against the protest,
even though by protesting against our protest, their protest
is actually a protest for a bad thing. I think."
Surprisingly, not all of the
protesters agreed with Pauling's depiction of what a protest
"That guy just doesn't know
what he's talking about," said Patricia Prestinary, a fifth-year
philosophy major at Portland State University. "So, we decided
to protest the protest because, hey, if they can protest their
thingy, we can protest our thingy, which happens to be their
protest -- but by protesting their protest, we're actually protecting
their right to protest! It's beautiful, see? By protesting their
protest, our protest reaffirms their right to protest, even the
right to protest a protest. But those bastards [the third
party of protesters] are just protesting the protest of a protest,
which isn't protecting any right to protest, it's just stupid."
Prestinary's protest against
the protesters protesting her groups' protest of the first protesters
seemed to fall on deaf ears, however.
"That puny know-it-all puss
can poke it in her pie-hole," declared Peaceful Parsnip,
currently of Phoenix and a veteran protester who claims to have
"been there" at Berkeley, Kent State and Washington,
D.C. during the Sixties.
"If those protesters hadn't
come down here to protest the protest, we wouldn't be protesting
their protest, simple as that. The protesters can protest that
they're protecting the right to protest by protesting the protest,
but that's just a pugnacious pile of theoretical protest poo.
On a practical-protesting level -- and believe me, by the time
you get to be my age, practical protesting is all you think of
-- protesting a protest is not productive, which is why we're
protesting the protest of the first protest. POWER TO THE PROTESTERS!"
When all three sets of protesters
cheered in response, Parsnip amended her motto: "POWER TO
THE PRACTICAL PROTESTERS!"
Overall, Pedro Pancho of Perus
-- Parsnip's partner in practical protesting -- was happy with
the protesting of the protesting of the protesting. "Except,
of course, that the protesters whom we are protesting for are
now protesting our protest of the people protesting their first
protest," he said.
Pancho sighed as protesters appeared,
bearing placards declaring, "Protesting the protesters of
"That's just not very practical
protesting," Pancho said.
Meanwhile, rumors that Prestinary's
group is planning to protest the protesters protesting the protesters
that are protesting the protester's protesters remain unconfirmed.
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