Thursday, March 18, 2:12 PM PST

Protesters Protest Protesting of Protesters Protesting Protest

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

PORTLAND -- Protesters who gathered together in the City of Rose's downtown to protest have found themselves in a bit of a pickle, because they now find themselves protesting the protest of protesters who are protesting their protest.

"Look man, I don't even know now," said Patrick Pauling, 38, of Pittsburgh.

"All I know is we came here to protest, then others came to protest our protest, then still others came to protest their protest, and for some reason, we're protesting the protesters who are protesting the protesters who are protesting our protest -- except they really don't have anything to protest because our protest is really a protest for them, not against them. Even though our original protest was a protest for them, too. They just don't get it. But that's what a protest is, right? To protest against a bad thing, not just for the protesters, but for people who don't protest, as well as for the protesters against the protest, even though by protesting against our protest, their protest is actually a protest for a bad thing. I think."

Surprisingly, not all of the protesters agreed with Pauling's depiction of what a protest was.

"That guy just doesn't know what he's talking about," said Patricia Prestinary, a fifth-year philosophy major at Portland State University. "So, we decided to protest the protest because, hey, if they can protest their thingy, we can protest our thingy, which happens to be their protest -- but by protesting their protest, we're actually protecting their right to protest! It's beautiful, see? By protesting their protest, our protest reaffirms their right to protest, even the right to protest a protest. But those bastards [the third party of protesters] are just protesting the protest of a protest, which isn't protecting any right to protest, it's just stupid."

Prestinary's protest against the protesters protesting her groups' protest of the first protesters seemed to fall on deaf ears, however.

"That puny know-it-all puss can poke it in her pie-hole," declared Peaceful Parsnip, currently of Phoenix and a veteran protester who claims to have "been there" at Berkeley, Kent State and Washington, D.C. during the Sixties.

"If those protesters hadn't come down here to protest the protest, we wouldn't be protesting their protest, simple as that. The protesters can protest that they're protecting the right to protest by protesting the protest, but that's just a pugnacious pile of theoretical protest poo. On a practical-protesting level -- and believe me, by the time you get to be my age, practical protesting is all you think of -- protesting a protest is not productive, which is why we're protesting the protest of the first protest. POWER TO THE PROTESTERS!"

When all three sets of protesters cheered in response, Parsnip amended her motto: "POWER TO THE PRACTICAL PROTESTERS!"

Overall, Pedro Pancho of Perus -- Parsnip's partner in practical protesting -- was happy with the protesting of the protesting of the protesting. "Except, of course, that the protesters whom we are protesting for are now protesting our protest of the people protesting their first protest," he said.

Pancho sighed as protesters appeared, bearing placards declaring, "Protesting the protesters of protests!"

"That's just not very practical protesting," Pancho said.

Meanwhile, rumors that Prestinary's group is planning to protest the protesters protesting the protesters that are protesting the protester's protesters remain unconfirmed.

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