Friday, June 18, 11:44 PM PST

Study Finds Reagan a "Saint" Compared to Bush

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sociologists of the University of Nevada at Reno, exploring the question of why Americans so dramatically mourned the passing of President Ronald Reagan, have found that the average person considers him a "saint" when comparing him to George W. Bush.

"When you compare the two, well, obviously Reagan looks better than Bush," Dr. Arturo Gruman, 56, lead sociologist of the study, said. "But then again, most people do, so these numbers may be misleading."

Participants indicated that, while Reagan did destroy the national economy with his tax cuts for the ultra-rich and overspending on the military -- thus killing the "American dream" for millions of people -- the fact that Bush has done even more of the same makes Reagan look better in hindsight.

Of the ten thousand Americans interviewed, most thought Reagan was kinder, stronger and smarter than Bush, as well.

"These data has really shaken my worldview, actually," Gruman said. "Once upon a time, I'd have said no president would ever be meaner or dumber than Reagan."

Gruman added that, while he does have opinions, he tries to inform them with evidence. "But even without the data, it's not much of a stretch to say Bush is dumber, meaner, weaker," he admitted.

When asked to explain how Bush is "weaker," Gruman explained that the word encompassed "stage presence, force of character, the ability to command respect and the ability to use independent analysis to make decisions on his own" -- none of which Bush has ever shown a proclivity for.

The study consisted of interviews with subjects who were first asked to compare Reagan to Presidents George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton. An approval rating of 23 percent helped illustrate the overwhelming conclusion that most Americans considered the 40th president "an evil bastard."

But when asked to compare Reagan to the current Bush, his approval rating jumped dramatically, to 89 percent -- an overwhelming number in a nation that has demonstrated political partisanship in recent years.

"Only a saint could make those numbers in this day and age," Gruman said, shrugging. "I think it also has something to do with the fact that Reagan was actually elected to office, whereas Bush... well, you know."

"No one should be surprised by the results," declared Dr. Tomas Mendoza, 28, a professor of political science at Boston College. "Reagan invaded Grenada on a whim, but with only a few hundred troops, and he got them out in a matter of days. Bush invaded Iraq on a whim, but with the tragic results that we see in the news every day."

Mendoza also pointed out that, while both men pursued similar economic policies, Reagan "only" pushed the national debt up to $3 trillion, while Bush has so far pushed it to a record-breaking $7 trillion.

Not everyone was convinced by the results of the study, however.

"Uh, we dispute that?" said Rock Margolios, a Bush campaign spokesman. "People totally love Bush. I know I do. Love 'im. Yeah."

Comment in the forum
(no registration required)

U.S. to Honor Reagan With "Man in the Moon" Monument

Tribute to Ronald "Not McDonald" Reagan

Resourceful Americans Create New Ways to Honor Dead Republicans

Reagan Funeral Ends Two Decade Lapse Of Clintons Sleeping Together (Broken Newz)

Reagan, Bush Star in "Fist Full of Jellybeans" (Humor Gazette)

The New News | No Apologies! Press

Copyright © 2004, No Apologies! Press
The New News: Satire for the Unwashed Masses