Wednesday, July 23, 6:18 AM PST

Al Qaeda Claims Reward for Qusai, Odai

by Brent "The Duke" Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

BAGHDAD, IRAQ -- Acting on a tip from an informant, U.S. forces engaged in a six-hour battle with Qusai and Odai Hussein and their supporters before the pair succumbed to the withering attack.

"We are certain that Odai and Qusai were killed today," Lieutenant General Ricardo Sanchez said. "The bodies were in such a condition where you could identify them."

When asked if the United States would honor the reward it offered for the two sons of Saddam Hussein -- $15 million for each -- Sanchez said, "I expect it probably would happen."

Two hours later, Ayman Al Zawahiri -- widely known as Osama Bin Laden's second in command of Al Qaeda, the terrorist organization that attacked New York and precipitated Gulf War II -- showed up at Army headquarters to claim his reward.

"In cash, small bills, if you please," Zawahiri requested.

When asked why the terrorists had supplied the U.S. with the Hussein brothers' whereabouts, Zawahiri explained that Al Qaeda's finances were suffering.

"You American infidel pigs, you destroy our bank accounts, you destroy our means to move money, you cancel our MasterCards -- what is the question?" Zawahiri asked. "How you expect we carry out terrorist operations with no money? You take our money, now we take your money! HA HA HA! Bitches!"

"Beside, Odai and Qusai were of no real importance while Saddam's alive and free," he added.

Despite a delay during which Washington thought through this latest twist, Sanchez eventually handed over $30 million to Zawahiri -- but not before making a promise to the gloating non-American.

"We'll get you," the general said. "Eeewww, you just wait!"

Later, at another press conference, Sanchez explained why the U.S. had paid out to Al Qaeda.

"A deal's a deal. If we don't pay out for the information, then no one's ever going to tell us where Saddam is."

Asked if he thought it was ironic that the U.S. had paid out a huge reward to the terrorist organization whose attacks on New York and Washington, D.C. had led to an invasion of Iraq, the general answered, "Irony is dead. Didn't you know?"



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