23, 6:18 AM PST
Al Qaeda Claims Reward for Qusai, Odai
by Brent "The Duke"
BAGHDAD, IRAQ -- Acting
on a tip from an informant, U.S. forces engaged in a six-hour
battle with Qusai and Odai Hussein and their supporters before
the pair succumbed to the withering attack.
"We are certain that Odai and Qusai
were killed today," Lieutenant General Ricardo Sanchez said.
"The bodies were in such a condition where you could identify
When asked if the United States would honor
the reward it offered for the two sons of Saddam Hussein -- $15
million for each -- Sanchez said, "I expect it probably
Two hours later, Ayman Al Zawahiri -- widely
known as Osama Bin Laden's second in command of Al Qaeda, the
terrorist organization that attacked New York and precipitated
Gulf War II -- showed up at Army headquarters to claim his reward.
"In cash, small bills, if you please,"
When asked why the terrorists had supplied
the U.S. with the Hussein brothers' whereabouts, Zawahiri explained
that Al Qaeda's finances were suffering.
"You American infidel pigs, you destroy
our bank accounts, you destroy our means to move money, you cancel
our MasterCards -- what is the question?" Zawahiri asked.
"How you expect we carry out terrorist operations with no
money? You take our money, now we take your money!
HA HA HA! Bitches!"
"Beside, Odai and Qusai were of no
real importance while Saddam's alive and free," he added.
Despite a delay during which Washington
thought through this latest twist, Sanchez eventually handed
over $30 million to Zawahiri -- but not before making a promise
to the gloating non-American.
"We'll get you," the general
said. "Eeewww, you just wait!"
Later, at another press conference, Sanchez
explained why the U.S. had paid out to Al Qaeda.
"A deal's a deal. If we don't pay
out for the information, then no one's ever going to tell us
where Saddam is."
Asked if he thought it was ironic that
the U.S. had paid out a huge reward to the terrorist organization
whose attacks on New York and Washington, D.C. had led to an
invasion of Iraq, the general answered, "Irony is dead.
Didn't you know?"
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